Tobson's Big ESC 2019 review, part 2

2001 is the horror year. The one where everything went wrong. Clearly the weakest edition of the ESC of modern times. Arguably the weakest edition of the ESC since the show switched into colour.

During this selection season I kept asking myself several times if this was the year when Europe would bring out their shovels and dig even deeper below the sad sub-standard of 2001. It really did not look promising there for a while.

To my big relief, 2019 turned out to be an OK year after all once all the entries came together. Not extraordinary in any way but at least not a complete musical dumping ground. Big relief.

To read about the first six entries of the first semi-final, click here.


07 HUNGARY
Joci Pápai / Az én apám

This is where the hard part begins. Joci made it into the top ten two years ago with a slightly similar song. This new song is possibly better from a songwriting point of view but also slightly less direct and with less of a hook. Will the voters still be onboard for this? How keen are people really to vote for things they already voted for in the past?

Qualifier:
Most probably yes. Joci is a very engaging performer and the melancholy vibe is likely to attract a number of fans. Plus Hungary has had a way lately of making it to the final - this will be their ninth consecutive qualifier.

My grade: 2/5


08 BELARUS
Zena / Like It

I listened to all the songs on Spotify and to my big surprise I found myself really enjoying this. Previously I had discarded it as a modern-sounding but tired filler and suddenly my feet was tapping along in an unexpected manner. Zena has a good voice and out of all the songs that wish they were "Fuego" in the lineup, this one actually has a few little quirks of its own.

Qualifier:
Borderline. The ESC is still a televised event where people can see you perform and Belarus are surprisingly good at ruining their own chances with disaster staging choices. If they can keep this clean, sober and fun - and not shoot themselves in the hand like last year - they could be in with a chance.

My grade: 3/5


09 SERBIA
Nevena Božović / Kruna

Nevena was part of Serbias shoutfest non qualifier trio Moje 3 in 2013 and is now back to get her revenge. She has remained a very well-known name back home and now she is entering a big and emotional ballad, written by herself. At least it aims at being big and emotional. While nothing is really wrong with it - it is well put together and well sung - it feels like something we've seen and heard millions of times before. It doesn't trigger a single emotion in me and despite repeat listenings I have no idea what the chorus sounds like. In through one ear and out through the other one. At least "Ljubav je svuda" had a bit of action in it.

Qualifier:
Borderline. When Serbia joined the party back in 2007, I expected them to be winner material almost every year. In reality they often stumble around the threshold for qualification. In or out? I think they will struggle this time.

My grade: 1/5


10 BELGIUM
Eliot / Wake Up

Even the best laid plans can go wrong. It sounded like a safe bet to have the composer of "City Lights" handpick a talent from The Voice Belgique and craft a song especially for him or her. While "Wake Up" has an excellent intro and a haunting verse, the chorus is disappointing and falls pretty flat. There is also an acute lack of development during the song and the whole thing is ebbing away rather than building up. Then it doesn't help that the charming little Eliot himself is too inexperienced to carry this weight all by himself. Maybe he should have waited a year or two?

Qualifier:
Borderline. There is still hope. Blanche finally delivered when she needed to and maybe the Belgian team know what they are doing. I just wouldn't bet my entire salary on it just yet.

My grade: 3/5


11 GEORGIA
Oto Nemsadze / Keep On Going

Failing with a folksy offering in their own language did not discourage the Georgians, so here they go again with a powerful male singer and a song rich in local folklore. While I sort of like this, I learned a thing last year that Georgia seemingly failed to pick up on: Europe's appetite for locally flavoured belters seems pretty moderate.

Qualifier:
No. This is the "Qami" of 2019. Oto can sing his heart out all he wants but not enough people will warm to his song in the end.

My grade: 2/5


12 AUSTRALIA
Kate Miller-Heidke / Zero Gravity

If there is any truth to the slightly nauseating narrative that Australia was taken into the competition in order to show the UK what they could be with a bit of effort, then that plan is failing more and more as Australia has kept slipping backwards in the results. The slippery slope continues as this - the first Australian entry chosen in a national final - is little more than one big ESC cliché. Doing that same old pop and opera mashup that has been done over and over while pretending you just invented the wheel is a pretty tired look. Especially as this song carries the promise of turning into something really good without ever delivering any of the goods.

Qualifier:
Borderline. The juries have enjoyed voting for Australia while the viewers have been less keen. Will the juries keep supporting them now?

My grade: 1/5


If you want to agree or disagree with me, please leave a comment or send me a tweet. All the preview clips can be seen here.

Tweet to @TobsonHelsinki

Tobson's Big ESC 2018 review, part 4

The person in charge of sequencing the running order has a great deal of power, that is for sure.

When the draw was abandoned in 2013, the new system was promised to guarantee a better show: similar styles would be spread out and so would geographical and cultural neighbours. Something the producers have not always managed to live up to.

In the semi finals, however, it is unlikely that the producer can make or break an entry just by giving it a certain spot. If the audience likes something, they will vote for it regardless. Last year's first semi proved quite convincingly there are no safe spots anywhere. The final is a different story altogether but let's deal with the last semifinalists first.

10. GEORGIA
Iriao / For You

A beautiful and intriguing piece of folklore presented by a country that always seems to find new areas to explore and almost never takes the easiest route in this contest. Maybe a bit lacking in dynamics to be a real points magnet but its musical merits alone should be enough to assure it some success.

Qualifier:
Borderline but I hope it will. There is something very likeable about men singing in harmonies like this.

My grade: 3/5

11. POLAND
Gromee feat Lukas Meijer / Light Me Up

Given recent events, it is hard not to think of Avicii here and label this entry Avicii-light. Musically it is not a bad effort and it has some good hooks in the chorus, but it also feels very lightweight and the performance in the national final was a complete and utter visual mess that needs to get sorted out.

Qualifier:
Borderline. Relies far more on televote love than most. If the Poles around Europe are awake and alert, then this one will make it, but they were not as eager to vote as expected last year.

My grade: 2/5

12. MALTA
Christabelle / Taboo

Flashback to a kind of entry that used to be really popular a couple of years ago, with a slightly aggressive-sounding female vocalist in an almost contemporary soundscape. I liked this when it won in Malta, then it grew off me surprisingly quickly. Now it just feels repetitive and dated and heard before.

Qualifier:
No, unless the viewers at home get lost in nostalgia. I'd say that's unlikely.

My grade: 1/5

13. HUNGARY
AWS / Viszlát nyár

I am not going to pretend to be a connoisseur of heavy rock but I'm delighted to see other genres than "eurovision-rock" take part at the ESC. This is heavy, hard, noisy and with more than a fair share of angst in it. It almost hurts when you hear it and I'm very happy about this glimpse into a musical landscape I seldom venture into.

Qualifier:
Yes. This must make it. We need something as different and refreshing as this in the final.

My grade: 3/5

14. LATVIA
Laura Rizzotto / Funny Girl

Another vaguely Bond-esque number by a performer with a sense of drama. Or so I hope. While this song is one of my personal favourites - I absolutely love the lyrics - the video clip is pretty much standing in the way of the song, making it feel a lot less engaging than it is when I only hear it. This one needs a firm injection of some sort of action in Lisbon.

Qualifier:
Yes, I hope so. But it could equally well end 11th. Or - if the staging is poor - it could even crash and burn close to the end of the result.

My grade: 4/5

15. SWEDEN
Benjamin Ingrosso / Dance You Off

Somehow this evolved from being a competent, visually stunning but slightly boring first semi qualifier in MF to something very different. Surprising that Sweden enters exactly the same thing two years in a row - a contemporary number where visuals are more important than the actual content - but this song keeps growing and growing.

Qualifier:
Yes. And also the winner of this semi.

My grade: 4/5

16. MONTENEGRO
Vanja Radovanović / Inje

Sometimes having all the right components is still not enough. Montenegro has a convincing performer, a solid ballad performed in their own language and quite a lot of emotion and passion soaring through their entry. And yet no matter how many times I listen, I can never remember what it sounds like once it is over. That can't be a good thing.

Qualifier:

No, unless Europe hears something I can't hear. In a way I wish they would.

My grade: 2/5

17. SLOVENIA

Lea Sirk / Hvala ne

A Slovenian babe with an attitude it all it takes for me. I am totally sold here. The beat, the idea, the ice cold lack of a proper chorus. I'm convinced. Not that Slovenia has a great track record when it comes to convince the people who are voting, though.

Qualifier:

Yes. I want this to qualify. (Maybe I don't really expect it to qualify but I'm not giving up just yet.)

My grade: 4/5

18. UKRAINE

Mélovin / Under The Ladder

I'm struggling here. There are so many good bits and pieces here and Mélovin is an engaging performer and yet things don't click into place for me. Extra plus for energy and conviction but the tempo changes are weird. And what is he even singing about? Confusion all around.

Qualifier: Yes, of course. Ukraine are brilliant at this and we are likely to get a stunning package in the end. Last year is long forgotten.

My grade: 2/5

Maybe you also want to read parts one, two and three of this review? And maybe you also want to see when I blog my way through every Eurovision entry ever (in Swedish) over here?

Tobson's Big ESC 2017 Review, part 1

Same procedure as every year: I will take a look at the preview clips and evaluate and ponder and have a reasonably educated guess as who could be a hit and who will be a definite miss in this year's Eurovision.

Spread out over ten blog posts, here they are: all 43 songs (or most likely 42, really) fighting it out for the Grand Prix. There can be only one winner and I have a feeling I know already who that is. But first things first as we dive into the first songs of the first semi in running order.

01. SWEDEN
Robin Bengtsson / I Can't Go On

There is no other song in the running this year that I have as mixed emotions about as this one. If you read my Melodifestivalen reviews, you already know that I really like Robin Bengtsson and that I enjoy has smooth voice and his relaxed appearance. The song isn't bad but it's still surprisingly bland and - in my mind - it feels like a mismatch between singer and song. Is this really Robin's style? This seems like the kind of song basically anybody could have sung and it makes Robin come across as replaceable. But it still is a very stylish and comfortable opener of the first show.

Qualifier:
Absolutely. No doubt in my mind. Even if the song in itself is slightly disappointing there are not ten songs in the semi that are stronger. Given the right slot in the final, this one could go pretty far. Even a lot further than it would deserve.

My grade: 3/5



Robin Bengtsson / I Can't Go On (Sweden 2017 preview)

02. GEORGIA
Tamara Gachechiladze / Keep The Faith

Eight years ago, Tamara won the Georgian final as part of the disco collective Stephane & 3G but never got to perform at the ESC. The lyrics to "We Don't Wanna Put In" didn't go down a storm at the EBU, and when the group refused to alter their entry they were forced to withdraw. Now she is back to show off the full glory of her vocal chords in an old-fashioned ballad of a kind that used to fail at the ESC already many years ago. The backdrop used in the national final gives away that this song is almost as political as last year's winner - and as clearly aimed at Russia - but while Tamara has a good voice the song is a bit too high pitched for her and the whole package gets very shouty before these three minutes come to an end.

Qualifier:
No. Georgia is good at this game, but this ballad is a bit too standard and mediocre for its own good. Especially as much better female ballads are to follow.

My grade: 1/5



Tamara Gachechiladze / Keep The Faith (Georgia 2017 preview)

03. AUSTRALIA
Isaiah / Don't Come Easy

Australia usually goes down well with the juries and that will come in handy this year as their entrant is a clean-cut and well-singing young man with an equally polished little ballad about how hard it can be to love once you've been hurt. Young Isaiah has a warm and very likeable voice but the ballad in itself relies a little bit too heavily on a formula we are all familiar with. Competent and professional as it might be, it never gets interesting. It never touches a nerve. It just stands there, looking nice, hiding its heart under its expensive suit.

Qualifier:
Yes. Mainly because people on juries enjoy voting for Australia more than for some other countries. Otherwise I wouldn't be so sure, really.

Grade: 2/5



Isaiah / Don't Come Easy (Australia 2017 preview)

04. ALBANIA
Lindita / World

You know what they say: if you find a concept that works, you should stick to that. Albania seems to have misunderstood that old saying a tiny bit as they cling to a formula that hasn't been very popular at all. They keep entering these bombastic songs with powerful female vocalists that are always walking the fine line between delivering impressive notes and being straight up shouty. Lindita has been around and done well in Albanian finals before and could probably navigate her way through the dangers of over-vocalising, but her song is way too difficult to hit home comfortably with televoters and jurors alike.

Qualifier:
No. This hardly ever works and it won't work now either. Albania would have to have a long hard think about the way they select their entries and see if they could come up with something better.

My grade: 2/5



Lindita / World (Albania 2017 preview)

05. BELGIUM
Blanche / City Lights

There are so many things going on in the world that you would never have been able to think possible only a couple of years ago. One of these is definitely the fact that RTBF found their groove and keeps entering solid ESC entries that keep pushing the formula for what you can or cannot do in this contest. The land of CopyCat and Witloof Bay turned into a big player and I couldn't be more happy. "City Lights" is more mainstream than Loïc Nottet was two years ago but is still exploring a moody and understated pop landscape while still running the risk of not being understood by the masses. I applaud Belgium for the courage but also realise how much this song depends on a good stage show to work in the end.

Qualifier:
Yes. This one really should be bang in the final, but there is always a risk at hand. Will it be too dark and too inaccessible on a first listen? Could be a shock non-qualifier in the making but at this stage it feels like a contender for a top five placing in the final.

My grade: 4/5



Blanche / City Lights (Belgium 2017 preview)

Semi 2: 16 Georgia / Midnight Gold

If it didn't happen already, this is where these reviews will get weird for real. But I absolutely love what Georgia is trying to do here.

I like the special dynamic that comes with a rock group and I like the idea of Oasis waking up one day in Tbilisi, deciding that Eurovision would be the next sensible step in their career. I like the structured chaos and I like the understated madness of the clip.

And I really LOVE the final seventy seconds as it gets really intense and almost out of hand. Had the whole song had the same quality, this would be a full 5/5 in my book.

Qualifier:
No. Unless these guys bought a big family pack of charisma after the national final and do something really goofy-in-a-good-way thing on stage. Which I hope they do. Would love to see this in the final.

My grade: 3/5



Nika Kocharov and Young Georgian Lolitaz / Midnight Gold (Georgia 2016 preview clip)

Semi 1: 16 Georgia

We've had quite a few entries of this kind: the hard, energetic rock chick that is convincing and sensual at the same time as slightly aggressive and intimidating.

They've been in no short supply for the last ten years or so and so far nobody has done it better than Moldova's Natalia Barbu back in 2007.

Nina Sublatti isn't that far behind, though. Her song went through some pretty successful tweaking and sounds pretty convincing.

There is the risk that this one will come across as more high-pitched and screechy for anyone to particularly enjoy it, but in its current form it works quite well. It also has the lucky break of being the first of two songs with identical titles and similar themes.

What works against it is perhaps that this hardly is the chorus all Europe will sing along to or hum in the shower the next day. It's a bit volatile and not as catchy as it could be, but has the huge advantage of coming last in a semi final full of pretty but similar-sounding songs.

Qualifier:
Yes and not only thanks to its spot in the running order.

My grade: 3/5



Nina Sublatti - Warrior (Georgia 2015)

Semi 2: 04 Georgia

I really don't know what happened, but I - who always says it is better to be original than ordinary, better to be brave than generic - had a first listen to the very non-stereotype entry of Georgia and understood nothing. Thought it was pretty hopeless. Then I changed my mind a little bit.



The Shin & Mariko - Three Minutes To Earth (Georgia 2014)

Remember how far from impressed I was last year when Georgia took the safest of routes and commissioned an entry from winner Thomas G:son instead of writing a song of their own? I should be thrilled by the prospect of having a jazzy folkloristic yoik written by local musicians - instead I scratched my head, wondering if the version I heard possibly could have been played in reverse by mistake.

There is an abundance of tempo changes and sophisticated little musical thingies I wouldn't even know the right word for. It is clever but also confusing and easily makes an unfocused listener a bit seasick.

I went from thinking this was the worst song in the running to quite liking it. Intriguing, to say the least. But in all fairness I might like the idea and the ambition more than the actual song.

Qualifier: No, unless the Georgians in exile really get their act together and vote a big black hole in that German switchboard. Too complicated, too demanding, and too little of a melody line.

My grade: 2/5

2013 prediction: How wrong was I?

Yesterday I had a stab at predicting the outcome of the Eurovision final in Malmö and looking back on it now, I realise I wasn't completely wrong.

Out of 26 countries, 14 placed according to my prediction. Another five found themselves only one placing away from what I predicted. I can live with that. Then there were some spectacular miscalculations, of course.

FRANCE - I liked Amandine's raw and tempestuous performance, but this kind of song is hard to sell to a mainstream audience. I appreciate when people try to break out of the most common formats, but maybe there are limits as to how far you can go without putting people off.

FINLAND - Despite all the publicity and a very energetic appearance, Finland only scored a mere 13 points. None of which from its neighbour countries. Keeping the masses entertained does not automatically mean they will reward you with points.

GERMANY - I felt like I ruined the party for everyone yesterday not thinking Cascada had a chance of surpassing fourth place. In retrospect, my prediction was almost hysterically over-optimistic. Probably the miscalculation of the year.

GEORGIA - The G:son-penned love ballad failed to set the scoreboard on fire this time. While thinking the song and performance deserved more, I'm relieved the cheap trick didn't work out.

MALTA - I didn't think Gianluca would hit home the way he did but I was happy to be wrong. For a while, when he was not too far behind the top scorers, I secretly hoped for Malta to be the unexpected twist that would suddenly collect a bunch of twelvepointers and sail to victory.

IRELAND - I did get a bad feeling during Ryan's performance and thought to myself that this could be the one generic modern pop song too many for the audience, but I never in a million years thought this one would be left in last place. Completely undeserved.

DENMARK - Of course I saw the Danish song as a potential winner, but this is the second year that the biggest favourite wins by quite a comfortable margin. Also, the winner is a very typical safe old-school eurosong, and I would have hoped for the contest to have moved on a bit from that. It would have been so nice with a daring and more original winner. Like Netherlands, like Norway.

But all in all a great show with great songs and some really fine performances. Just possibly maybe I like the songs better than the final result, but you can't have it all, can you?

Semi 2: these are my ten qualifiers

If there was pressure to predict the first semi final then this second one feels like a nightmare for various reasons. Mainly because it all seems very open and I have no idea whether to predict with my heart or with my head.

I feel sure about five of ten qualifiers, perhaps. Then it feels like the placings 6 - 16 or so are one big grand lottery. How will the points spread between the candidates? If they spread enormously you might need less points than ever to make top ten tonight. Then a couple of high points could be enough. Which opens up for basically anyone.

But again - I repeat my old mantra that this is just a game and nothing to be taken too seriously. If I tell myself that a number of times I might believe it in the end.

1. LATVIA Here We Go / PeR
Just like Austria, this is a very good opening number and for a long time I thought this would be the happy pill that would appeal to the audience in the end. But I thought the same about Trackshittaz last year. You've got to learn sometime.
Qualifier: No

2. SAN MARINO Crisalide / Valentina Monetta 
This is where the real prediction nightmare starts. If you are not a eurovision fan and you don't know how much Valentina improved since last year, all you are left with as a ballad that never fully develops and a dated beat from the Siegel factory, which hasn't worked since 1999. This prediction is more based on me wanting to see San Marino on a scoreboard for once. Heart wins over head.
Qualifier: Yes

3. FYR MACEDONIA Pred da se razdeni / Esma & Lozano
I still think this is a dismal song that merely uses Esma as a special effect and nothing more, but you could have way worse special effects than her. And I'd rather have her than many others on offer tonight.
Qualifier: Yes

4. AZERBAIJAN Hold Me / Farid Mammadov
A weak song enhanced by technology, pretty much like last year's Azeri entry. Of course it will work, at least at this point.
Qualifier: Yes

5. FINLAND Marry Me / Krista Siegfrieds
Catchy, instant, over the top, girl on girl kissing, wedding dress. This one will stay in the audience's mind and will sail into the final. Well done, girl.
Qualifier: Yes

6. MALTA Tomorrow / Gianluca
A very charming song with a very charming singer has, reportedly, turned unnecessarily dull and not striking enough on stage. I still want to think that an ukulele and eyes as charming as Gianluca's will be enough, but I'm not sure at all.
Qualifier: Yes

7. BULGARIA Samo shampioni / Elitsa & Stoyan
Despite liking them a lot in Helsinki six years ago, I did not predict them to qualify, neither did I see their top five placing coming in advance. So maybe the trick will work again, despite this song lacking everything that made "Voda" good. But I don't think so.
Qualifier: No

8. ICELAND Ég á líf / Eyþór Ingi Gunnlaugsson
This is a pretty little ballad in many ways. Iceland has a way of squeezing themselves into the final where they ultimately don't do so well. It could work this time around as well, but the battle for ballad points is ferocious and Iceland would need a large portion of luck to make it this time.
Qualifier: No

9. GREECE Alcohol Is Free / Koza Mostra feat Agathonas Iakovidis
This is another truly divisive song that certain people will detest, but temper, attitude, forza and dancing musicians dressed in kilts will win in the end.
Qualifier: Yes

10. ISRAEL Rak bishvilo / Moran Mazor
One week ago I predicted that Iceland would make it and Israel would not. Today I swap them around. I still think the song would need more of a climax - I expect more than it ever delivers every time I hear it - but think Moran's intensity will beat the Icelandic cool in the end. And I doubt there is room for them both in the final.
Qualifier: Yes

11. ARMENIA Lonely Planet / Dorians
I really hate bringing up the subject of diaspora voting, but the Armenian Head of Delegation mentioned it herself in their press conference this week. In my mind, this is the weakest song of the second semi, but will potential friendship points be enough to take it to the final. For the sake of this competition, I hope not.
Qualifier: No

12. HUNGARY Kedvesem / ByeAlex
This is one of my top favourites this year. But I think this introverted but brilliant little gem will be too demanding from a grand audience on a Thursday night and that it could very well mean ByeHungary in the end. I would love to be wrong on this one, but I don't see it happening.
Qualifier: No

13. NORWAY I Feed You My Love / Margaret Berger
After all these question marks it feels wonderful to be this sure again. Norway is a potential winner this year and is a sure qualifier tonight.
Qualifier: Yes

14. ALBANIA Identitet / Bledar Sejko & Adrian Lulgjuraj
I like these rockers, I like their song and I like their sound. But just like in 2011, I think this will be a bit too much for Europe. Unfortunately.
Qualifier: No

15. GEORGIA Waterfall / Nodi & Sophie
Big voices and a big - albeit predictable - ballad. Will work wonders and steal lots and lots of points and ruin the chances for most other ballad entries - how many are there room for besides this one?
Qualifier: Yes

16. SWITZERLAND You And Me / Takasa
Alongside Armenia, my least favourite song in this semi. Three minutes of very little action and very little else. The big question is if people are prepared to vote for a group just because they feature the oldest person ever on a eurovision stage. And again, for the sake of this competiton, I hope the answer is no.
Qualifier: No

17. ROMANIA It's My Life / Cezar
Is this a good song? No, not particularly. Will people laugh at Cezar tonight? Quite a few will, yes. But perhaps the final needs a performance like this. To ensure entertainment value for everyone.
Qualifier: Yes

So these are my ten qualifiers tonight: San Marino, FYR Macedonia, Azerbaijan, Finland, Malta, Greece, Israel, Norway, Georgia and Romania. My heart is bleeding for Hungary, but I really don't dare hope that they will make it.

Am I sure? Not the least. Azerbaijan, Greece, Norway, Georgia and Finland will be in the final. Everything else is up for grabs. If I have more than five right tonight, that will be a victory in itself.

So bring it on, prove me wrong!

Semi 2: 15 Georgia

Maybe it was a shock for Georgian tv not to qualify for the first time last year in Baku. If so, who could blame them for playing safe? But there must be a limit for everything.



Nodi Tatishvili & Sophie Gelovani - Waterfall (Georgia 2013)

For the last few years, it has grown increasingly common to simply call up some international composers to craft an entry for you. It will leave you with a song that is likely to do well but just as likely not to have any link to anyone or anything in your local music business. Which is pointless.

If the Eurovision Song Contest is more about the best song you can buy rather than the best song you can produce, I find it questionable whether it is worth the effort of organising the contest at all.

Calling last year's winning composer and have him do the job for you must qualify as one of the cheapest tricks in the book. I'd almost like to deduct points for this lack of creativity.

But then again, Thomas G:son sure knows what he is doing. At first Waterfall looks like the meek little cousin of Quédate conmigo, but it is powerful, breezy and melodic. As well as the only love duet in the entire line-up.

That could carry quite far. Perhaps even further than it deserves.

Qualifier:
Yes. A qualifier and probably even quite a heavy scorer in the final.

My grade: 3/5

Tobson Ranking: #41 Georgia

The boy has got conviction, I have to give him that.



Anri Jokhadze - I'm A Joker (Georgia 2012)

I have heard rumours that Georgian television would have a difficult time enthusing the bigger names of their national showbiz to enter Eurovision for them. This entry suggests that it would be time to do something about it, then. How about selecting a singer and a good song internally for next year?

This is such a complete anti-song, with too many different elements that clearly do not fit together. A little bit of opera, a little bit of glam rock, a little hint of musical and perhaps an air of Freddie Mercury? I'm not sure that latter would be all to pleased to be named in this context.

In Baku, however, I began to see it a bit differently. Anri is a born show man and not a bad singer. He is truly convinced of his ability and his confidence is quite contagious.

Up until a limit, though. Because, ultimately, this is a horrifically bad composition. You should not go to a song contest without a song. End of.

My grade: 0/5

The 2012 review, part seven

Four more songs from the second semi, including some of the best and one of the absolute worst of this year's crop.

11. SWEDEN



Loreen - Euphoria

Not since Alexander Rybak in 2009 has there been such a consensus about a probable winner as this year. Loreen is the sky high favourite everywhere - not everyone's top choice, of course, but the eventual overall winner in most polls and rankings around the internet.

There is a danger in that, too. Many songs have been named probably winners and then not recieved the expected response from televoters or juries. Sweden also has an added complication as their numbers are so meticulously planned and perfected already in the national final that there is no room for improvement for the international final. The best possibility is that Loreen performs almost as well as in Melodifestivalen.

All those objections aside - this is one of the strongest entries of the year. Simple and yet powerful, minimalistic and artistic, well sung and with a stylish look.

Qualifyer:
Yes. Without the shadow of a doubt. And, unless it has a maximum of bad luck in the draw, it will surely make top five. And possibly win the whole thing.

My grade: 5/5

12. GEORGIA



Anri Jokhazde - I'm A Joker

Where do I begin? When a song is bad, you can start the review by pointing out the flaws in the song-writing. That is very hard to do here, as there has been very little song-writing going on. This is just a parade of pointless sounds with no goal, no aim, no point. If the "song" had not been bad enough in its own right, the lyrics are a very cheap re-write of "The Joker" by Steve Miller Band.

And, to add insult to injury, the performance is completely on the same level as the melody and lyrics. How a country that gave us Sopho Khalvashi can decide to inflict something like this on us is a mystery.

Qualifyer:
No. Georgia has qualified every year, but if this mess hops out of an envelope there must be something severely rotten in the Kingdom of Eurovision. Horrific beyond description.

My grade: 0/5

13. TURKEY



Can Bonomo - Love Me Back

Luckily the contest takes a sharp turn back to really good entries again as Turkey seems determined to take revenge for last years debacle in Düsseldorf. Exit the rock, in with a song full of oriental, Turkish and Jewish influences. As well as a hint of Pirates of the Caribbean, to be honest.

A fairytale story about pirates and ships set to very jaunty music, performed by the breathtakingly endearing Can Bonomo. He is all smiles and in a very playful mood. Not everyone's cup of tea, perhaps, but surely captivating enough to make into the safe haven of the final.

Qualifyer:
Yes, oh yes. The sails fill up with ravishing rhythm and this ship will have a very pleasant journey over the Sea of Eurovision.

My grade: 5/5


14. ESTONIA



Ott Lepland - Kuula

There is always room for a big ballad, especially when it is as well-constructed, gripping and stylish as this one. Ott is also a rare asset, as he manages to hold back his notes, delivering it well, singing his heart out without making the vocal chords go pop.

Estonia has also had a way to make lyrics in their own language appeal to the voters. I have a feeling Ott will reach out also to the people who have no idea what he is singing about.

Qualifyer:
Yes. I didn't believe in it at first, but now I think the final needs Ott and a song like this to find harmony and balance.

My grade: 4/5

Georgia 2012: a non-song with a stolen hook

Georgia's first ever entry is a true classic and my favourite entry of all last decade. This year's entry? Not so hot.

Winner Anri Jokhadze seems to possess a fair amount of charisma and has a good voice (if it carries as well live as in this playback performance). But the song. To quote Baccara: I don't know where to start.



Anri Jokhadze - I'm A Joker (Georgia 2012)

First an important rule. If you want to write a song in English - learn English first. Look at the graphics and you find this song is still called "I'm A Jocker". Whatever a jocker might be.

Another rule. If you want to steal things, you have to do it with a certain sense of style. You can not clumsily lift the hook out of one of the most famous and wide-spread songs in rock history and pretend like nothing happened.



Steve Miller Band - The Joker

Last rule for the time being. If you can't help but clumsily stealing the hook from one of the most famous songs in rock history and make your own broken-english version of it - then you better make it good. Make it stand out. Make it rock.

Georgia's entry this year is a complete non-song. There are no extenuating circumstances. 


Brothers and sisters of Georgia, you can do so much better than this. Bring back Sopho and pronto.

Update:
Well, here is one more rule for you. Admit when you are wrong. "Jocker" actually does mean something. Thanks to Roy Delaney and the Urban Dictionary I now know that there is such a word.

And it quite well describes the song. Maybe I just misjudged Anri. He's sharper than I thought at first.

That doesn't change much, though. This song is still horrid and, by quite some margin, the weakest selected for Baku so far. Bring back Sopho and pronto.
 

Tobson's Winners: 2006 - 2010

During these five years, further modification was tried out by the EBU. After a nightmare of a semifinal in 2007 (with twenty-eight songs in the running), the qualification system was completely re-vamped in 2008.

Now, only the host country and the big four were guaranteed a place in the final - everyone else had to go through the two semi finals. This has resulted in way stronger final line-ups than before.

Not only stronger line-ups - it is in general much harder to predict the result this way. The final changes everything: the draw, the odds, the chances, the favourites. In short, the two semis contribute to way stronger television than before.

Also, the juries have been forgiven and are back in the game gradually since 2008, where they got to select the tenth finalist in each semi final. In 2009, they did that too but also had a fifty percent say in the final result. And from 2010, they have half the power already in the semi finals.

To tell you the truth, I am not convinced that this was a good move. It could have been, but I still see the same old countries voting extensively for neighbours and friends, the juries obviously joining the game rather than doing anything to prevent it. Also, as from 2011, the juries seem to have favoured strong voices over pop songs. They would need a reminder that this is a song contest - not a singing contest - and that we do not want to return to the old hit-less days of the 90's again.

2006 - Russia



Dima Bilan - Never Let You Go (Russia 2006)

Of course I am deeply happy that Finland won, that's beside the point, but in my book Russia was by far the best. A lavish stage show, slick presentation and one of the best pop compositions to grace a eurovision stage in the last ten years.

The whole production is classical and modern at the same time, and for some reason I find the slow drum loop a tiny bit Beatles-esque.

How sad to see that in only two years, the lovely Dima Bilan would grow into a pompously arrogant nobody. And even sadder to see him win, when he clearly no longer deserved it.

Real winner:
Lordi - Hard Rock Hallelujah (Finland)


2007 - Georgia



Sopho - Visionary Dream (Georgia 2007)

Ever wondered what "Ray Of Light" would have sounded like had Madonna been born in Tbilisi? Wonder no more.

Georgia's debut entry in Helsinki is a real knockout of an entry, it doesn't sound like anything that was ever heard at the ESC before. A wild mix between etno, ballad, aggressive beats, sword dancing and, in the middle of the storm, the wonderful Sopho Khalvashi, queen-like and supreme, keeping the whole thing together.

Too demanding for the average voter, perhaps, but it gives me serious goose bumps.

Real winner:
Marija Šerifović - Molitva (Serbia)


2008 - Bosnia-Herzegovina



Laka - Pokušaj (Bosnia-Herzegovina 2008)

As eurovision has filled up with more and more quality pop songs, modern and chart-friendly, it just gets harder to decide which one is my favourite each year. Often something quirky makes the top of my bill, I've noticed.

Calling this entry quirky would be something of an understatement, though.

It is artistic, experimental, edgy, boundbreaking, melodic, fun and Wogan hated it. Laka is a real artist (and his sister too) who uses his three minutes in full to present himself to a potential audience, not caring the slightest for the people who won't understand. When eurovision allows something as demanding as this to make top ten, that's when I really love my old contest.

Real winner:
Dima Bilan - Belive (Russia)


2009 - Bosnia-Herzegovina



Regina - Bistra voda (Bosnia-Herzegovina 2009)

If there is one national that truly emerged like a real quality engine since the semi finals were introduced, then it is Bosnia-Herzegovina. Once they got their machinery running, after the civial war and some hopeless attempts at staging fair national finals, few others can match the Bosnians when it comes to personable performers, strong melodies and memorable performances.

Rock band Regina, who possibly heard a track or two by Coldplay through the years, deliver a tender, delicate melody line, demanding and inviting and the same time, and how this song didn't reach higher than ninth place remains a real mystery for me.

Real winner:
Alexander Rybak - Fairytale (Norway)


2010 - Germany



Lena - Satellite (Germany 2010)

When there are forty-something entries in the line-up, the chance that your personal favourite will be the winner in the end diminishes quite clearly. My joy was immense as my big pre-contest favourite made it all the way in 2010.

Even more so since I had been hoping for Germany for a few years already. They had been trying to deliver quality entries for quite some time without really getting it right, ending in failure year after year in spite of creating quite a few domestic hit singles.

Lena was a bull's eye in many aspects: young, appealing, hit friendly, equipped with a bubbly personality. A dream winner for Eurovision in many ways. And the importance of one of the Big Four countries winning can hardly be over-estimated.

Real winner:
Lena - Satellite (Germany)

Tobson Ranking: #33 Georgia

Wanting to be different at Eurovision is a great thing. But different alone is not enough.



Eldrine - One More Day (Georgia 2011)

Georgia goes Linkin Park and sends in a band with attitude aplenty and vocal abilities en masse. Too bad they don't have much of a song to work with.

I always wanted to like this, given it's refusal to be streamlined and adorable, but just found the lack of a proper chorus too frustrating.

In Düsseldorf, however, I felt that this hard-working group managed to pump enough energy and conviction into their performance to make it work for me. At least for three minutes. But then I never feel the need to listen to it again, once it is over.

So, all in all, a medal for bravery and devotion. Minus points for thinking that lacking a song isn't a problem in a song contest.

My grade: 2 / 5

The 2011 review: part Two

It is good getting properly started, so here goes with part two and five more countries from the first semi final.

6. SERBIA



Nina - Čaroban (Serbia 2011)

Song number six is a real surprise to me - bubbly and fantastic Motown-esque pop straight from the Balkans, performed by a lovely vocalist, two fun instrumentalists and three adorably cheeky backing singers.

This is catchy and colourful and very close to being a bull's eye in my list. Had they used the English version - which is a million times better than most English versions - it would have been a complete hit. But a tiny detail like that can't get in the way of a positivity pill like this one, can it?

Qualifyer:
Yes. It is also helped by standing very alone in a line-up that does not believe in soul at all.

My grade: 4/5

7. RUSSIA



Alexey Vorobyov - Get You (Russia 2011)

Possibly the biggest disappointment (but not the worst entry) of the year, when an established hit maker like RedOne coughs up a song as bland as this one. Not bad, only lukewarm. And the performer doesn't help.

Alexey looks good and was charming in the 2008 Russian pre-selection where he was dancing around with an accordeon, but here he is not very likely to charm that many. A song like this needs to contain a certain amount of danger and sexuality in order to work. Alexey seems as dangerous as a ladybird and as sexual as a Ken doll.

It would take a Lady Gaga to make this work, but there is no Gaga in sight.

Qualifyer:
Possibly. My instincts tell me that Russia could qualify with almost anything, but this could be the exception that underlines the rule. I would not be so sure that this one pops out of an envelope on May 10th.

My grade: 2/5

8. SWITZERLAND



Anna Rossinelli - In Love For A While (Switzerland 2011)

Soft, pleasant and laidback, Switzerland's Anna sounds like a female Jason Mraz and offers a very strong and instant hook for everyone to hold on to. Just too bad that Switzerland has no friends in this contest.

For the last three years, I have predicted Swiss success and now I have given up. This might be attractive in its preview version, but I very much doubt that the live version will burn through the European tv screens. The viewers will hear it, enjoy it, hum along with it, and then forget about it. Very unlikely to be many people's top favourite and risks a placing further down the result than it would deserve.

Qualifyer:
No. Had it been another country's entry, possibly, but Switzerland needs stronger stuff to make the final cut.

My grade: 2/5

9. GEORGIA



The whole thing starts so promising, with menacing guitars of a kind we seldom hear in Eurovision, and this could have been a Georgian version of Linkin Park. Believe it or not, but that would be a positive thing according to me.

Unfortunately, this whole thing is standing on a very shaky foundation (in other words - there is not enough of a song going on here) and the whole thing collapses long before three minutes have come to an end. Full of good intentions, bound to leave the voters confused.

Qualifyer:
No. Too noisy, too messy. Nothing to hold on to. And there are too many strong candidates in this semi for Eldrine to stand a real chance.

My grade: 1/5

10. FINLAND



Paradise Oskar - Da Da Dam (Finland 2011)

Of course I want Finland to do well. Of course it is difficult to judge this in a fair way. Having said that, I think this song is really good. Divisive, yes. It seems the average eurofans have a bit of a problem with it, but it has had a much warmer reception from other directions.

I believe Paradise Oskar will suit the average Tuesday viewer pretty well with his melodic little song. Anything but a spot in the final would be a huge disappointment.

Not that Finland would not be used to it, but still.

Qualifyer:
Yes. I really want to believe that Finland makes it to the final.

My grade: 4/5

Georgia 2011: trying something new

Some countries have a tendency of getting stuck in their ways when it comes to Eurovision - sending variations on the same theme year after year. That is clearly not a problem for Georgia, who selected their entry earlier today.

After having increasing success with females singing their hearts out, this entry is something radically different.



Eldrine - One More Day (Georgia 2011)

Think a Georgian Gwen Stefani teaming up with a Georgian Linkin Park, have them write a song together, then send them to Eurovision.

While not vocally flawless, the song is intriguing and suggestive and anything but your stereotypical eurosong.

Top marks for being original, and that is a very good start in my book.