Tobson speaks up: ESC 2023, the finalists

More than a few times since 2008 - when the semi final formula changed and the pre-qualified finalists consisted solely of the host nation and the Big Four/Five - writing the last part of your Eurovision reviews was a bit painful.

For many years, most of the Bigs made absolutely zero effort and would come up with entries destined to crash and burn and the very bottom of the result. Almost all interesting songs would appear in the semi finals and leave the chapter on the finalists dull and dry.

Luckily, in later years things have improved. Last year, Italy was the host country while the UK and Spain both ended up in the top three. France was a bit of a surprise flop and only Germany was a truly predictable failure.

So - how do the six pre-qualified songs measure up this year? Well... like this.

FRANCE La Zarra / Évidemment

For the second time in only six years, France scrapped its national final format in favour of an internal selection and gave the ticket directly to La Zarra. She cooked up a number that starts out like a dramatic chanson before developing a beat, turning into more of a pop entry with some very French touches to it. Sounds fresh but also works better on repeat listenings, which could be a bit of a problem in a televote. Possibly a jury darling and if so, a top five finish could be within reach.

Grade: 4/5

GERMANY Lord of the Lost / Blood & Glitter

Finally Germany has left the dull concept of streamlined, inoffensive "radio friendly" songs that nobody votes for behind in favour of some good old metal. Rock often hits home pretty well with ESC audiences and while this doesn't really bring anything new or innovate to the table, there is personality, temper and a hooky chorus on offer. 

Grade: 3/5

ITALY Marco Mengoni / Due vite

Every year there is at least one song that should count as a big favourite but that somehow seems to fly under everybody's radar. This year, that song is obviously Italy's massive pop ballad, masterfully performed by the remarkable stage presence of Marco Mengoni. This absolutely should and must score well but has seemingly no buzz in the predictions. Maybe people have an appetite for something other than Italian craft this time around.

Grade: 5/5

SPAIN Blanca Paloma / Eaea

This is obviously the part where my comments section could explode but I have to be honest and honestly this entry is not my cup of tea at all. Blanca Paloma is an excellent singer and I have found her live executions interesting to watch, but when the single starts to play in my headphones I find it exhausting to listen to. Songs can do well at the ESC even when I don't fancy them - it happens regularly - but while I expect a fair share of jury points as a reward for good vocals, I doubt this entry will exercise any major mass appeal on your average viewer. If this places better than 10th or so, it will come as a real surprise to me. 

Grade: 2/5

19. UKRAINE Tvorchi / Heart of Steel

Last year's winner enters something musically totally different and - as always - served up in a slick and professional fashion. A less obvious points magnet this time around but still very likely to do really well, not least because people will look out for Ukraine and pay attention to whatever they have on offer.

Grade: 3/5

26. UNITED KINGDOM Mae Muller / I Wrote A Song

Last year's second place clearly gave the UK a large chunk of their old confidence back and it is not unlikely that the audience reaction to Mae Muller will blow the roof off the arena in Liverpool. That could definitely be an advantage - remember Denmark 2001 - not least since various reports from various fan events suggest that the UK entrant hasn't hit all her notes brilliantly so far. That is a problem for later - as a single, I find this captivating, contemporary, fun and catchy. 

Grade: 4/5

There is nothing to predict here as all of these songs are already in the final, but if I ranked them in my personal order of preference in their current pre-live show versions it would be: Italy, United Kingdom, France, Germany, Ukraine and Spain. 

Feel free to check out my views on semi one and semi two as well. 

Tobson speaks up: ESC 2023, semi 2

After dipping my nose into the first semi it is time to move on and see what the sixteen songs of the second semi are like. Will it be an equally hard battle to conquer one of the ten available spots in the final on a Thursday night?

These are my personal opinions as well as my highly personal pick of ten finalists.

01. DENMARK Reiley / Breaking My Heart
A logical choice to open the second semi. Almost shockingly contemporary and chart-friendly for being a Danish entry, it will possibly suffer from being designed for radio and streaming and subsequently not really including a lot of build-up or dynamic - it goes on and then it ends. Another question mark is if Reiley - who is otherwise charming and likeable - will be able to keep this interesting for three minutes.

Grade: 3/5

02. ARMENIA Brunette / Future Lover

Starts in a quirky and almost absent-minded way, almost as if the performer was talking to herself rather than singing on a stage, before turning into a full-blown orchestral drama ending in an intense chorus in Armenian. A peculiar choice for the number two slot but an original, high-quality song that maybe wants to be a bit more special than it really is.

Grade: 3/5

03. ROMANIA Theodor Andrei / D.G.T (Off And On)

Where do I begin? This songs has a few little hooky things going on but altogether it doesn't feel complete or fully finished. Someone would have needed to clean this track up and give it some overall polish. Also don't get me started on the visual choices made for the national final. I'm thinking maybe Romania should try internal selection for a year or two and see if they could come up with something better.

Grade: 1/5

04. ESTONIA Alika / Bridges

Another very dramatic ballad by another skilled performer: just what you'd expect from a modern day Big Eurosong but with a certain freshness. Perhaps not unforgettable but should easily impress enough viewers to make it through.

Grade: 3/5

05. BELGIUM Gustaph / Because Of You

I must admit I got this entirely wrong on a first listen and discarded it as a bit of jokey nonsense when it's in fact a rather fabulous throwback to 90's club culture. Pure joy and excellent vocals. Given Gustaph is also the first really happy pill of the evening, I doubt very much the viewers would make the same mistake as I did.

Grade: 3/5

06. CYPRUS Andrew Lambrou / Break A Broken Heart

In a really puzzling move, Cyprus hired a singer/songwriter all the way from Australia to do the job for them. But they wouldn't let him write his own song and set him up with one of those typical anonymous "written-for-Eurovision" kind of ditties. Not bad but oddly forgettable. Will need a firestorm of a performance in order to hit home.

Grade: 2/5

07. ICELAND Diljá / Power

I like a lot of things here: I like Diljá, I like her raw energy on stage and her attitude towards performing, I like some of the ideas in this arrangement. And yet - oddly enough - the final package does very little for me. I feel nothing when listening to it and often forget it exists. Strange.

Grade: 2/5

08. GREECE Victor Vernicos / What They Say

A really talented teen who wrote, recorded and produced his own entry. Very impressive but I can't help thinking it would have been better to let Victor wait a year or two before getting shipped off to the big time. The song is a bit clunky but in a charming way and seeing this youngster in action is touching but will it be enough?

Grade: 2/5

09. POLAND Blanka / Solo

This reminds me of any of the Real Housewives installments where one of the participants gets bored and thinks you can do a pop career as a hobby on the side without really making any sort of effort. "Solo" is your average fun and stupid beach ditty - nothing wrong with that - but Blanka's performance was almost breathtakingly lazy with zero investment. Will be a classic for years to come but if there's any justice in the world, this will crash and burn.

Grade: 1/5

10. SLOVENIA Joker Out / Carpe Diem

After a number of wobblier efforts, Slovenia's boy band will have Europe eating out of their hands. This is funny, catchy and engaging and again we get proof how singing in your own language is an easy way of making your song stand out as more personable. Slovenia's best chance of a top ten finish in many years.

Grade: 3/5

11. GEORGIA Iru / Echo

This year's art installation is bursting full of eccentric ideas and an abundance of oddities, all performed in fine voice and with a great deal of conviction. Is it good? Hard to say, but I think it is. Does it stand out? Indeed it does. 

Grade: 3/5

12. SAN MARINO Piqued Jacks / Like An Animal

Last year they gave us an Italian star, this time they settled for a local Italian rock band that has received a lot of beating from the certain demographic of fans who seem to enjoy giving things a beating a way lot more than actually liking anything. There is a trashy charm to this but it never really goes anywhere and unfortunately ends up in an unnecessarily shouty finish.

Grade: 2/5

13. AUSTRIA Teya & Salena / Who The Hell Is Edgar?

The winner of the second semi in a number of ways. What could have been "only" a bit of comic relief suddenly finds itself standing out in many ways as a - yes, funny - uptempo stomper that is also clever and catchy. If they can only build a stage show to match the energy of the track, this is bound to do very well. Especially as almost all of the major favourites have been drawn to sing in the first semi.

Grade: 4/5

14. ALBANIA Albina & Familija Kelmendi / Duje

Could you do the ESC without having a dramatic family stand on stage, giving a rousing ode to avoiding divorce at any cost? Yes, you certainly could. While the message feels oddly conservative on a show like this, the song in itself is quite okay. "Scenes From A Marriage" if Bergman had been a pop composer from Tirana instead. Hardly a points magnet but enjoyable in its own way.

Grade: 2/5

15. LITHUANIA Monika Linkytė / Stay

This is that one song that could seem a bit basic and plain when you just hear the studio version but live Monika and her backing vocalists turn this into a living, breathing thing that keeps growing and pulling you in. Not a potential winner or anything but could certainly end up doing a lot better than people expect it to.

Grade: 3/5

16. AUSTRALIA Voyager / Promise

My first impression was that they had crammed too many things into one song and wanted to much, in a Saara Aalto meets Montaigne sort of way, but then I warmed to the whole thing. Engaging and entertaining. Should qualify with ease even though it will find itself wrestling with Germany for the rock vote in the final.

Grade: 3/5

So, if I was the only juror who could pick ten finalists all by myself based only on the studio versions and preview presentations, my choices would be (in order of appearance): Denmark, Armenia, Estonia, Belgium, Greece, Slovenia, Georgia, Austria, Lithuania and Australia. 

My preferences can still change before the live shows - as history has shown - but what ten songs would you pick and what six would you leave in the semi?

Tobson speaks up: ESC 2023, semi 1

 

It's almost upon us, the 67th edition of the Eurovision Song Contest. This year hosted jointly by last year's winner and last year's runner-up: Ukraine gets to add flavour while the UK takes care of the actual hosting.

The contest has shrunk a bit and the number of entries is the lowest since Copenhagen 2014, but the countries that did show up have given us a pretty diverse and updated lineup.

Soon the rehearsals will start in Liverpool and distort our first impressions with footage and clips and soundbites of varying quality, so before that: here are my reviews of the songs as they are in their preview versions as well as the ten songs I would pick for the final if I got it my way.

01. NORWAY Alessandra / Queen of the Kings
This is a pretty great opener but also an odd choice by the producer. This is clearly one of the favourites and it is unusual to throw one of those out there already at the start of the show. For me, this is a catchy little number that easily gets stuck in your head but it is more of a cool beat than a really good song. Something about it makes me think of "Boten Anna" but maybe that's just me. Solid but maybe not the winner candidate many consider it to be.
Grade: 3/5

02. MALTA The Busker / Dance (Our Own Party)
Malta ditched the international songwriters and went for a local tune at long last. Clearly the right decision and in my opinion this is Malta's best entry in a very long time. Best since Claudette Pace? It has a cool groove and a joyful relative of the Epic Sax Guy. The only warning sign here is the disastrously low energy shown by the lead singer in the national final. Get that sorted and this could be a pleasant surprise.
Grade: 3/5

03. SERBIA Luke Black / Samo mi se spava

The first semi opens in style with several really strong entries and Serbia stays on the same track as last year: avantgarde and pushing limits of what a eurosong could sound and look like. Luke himself is very easy to like and the song is oddly captivating and hypnotic. The warning sign here is the slightly dark, messy and unfocused national final performance. Luke Black coming after Konstrakta is very similar to Justs coming after Aminata: not less enjoyable but less likely to score heavily.

Grade: 3/5

04. LATVIA Sudden Lights / Aijā

Latvia hasn't been in the final since 2016 but here we we find ourselves with the Latvia entry being a real dark horse: intense, claustrophobic, almost intrusive and with a clever climax as the soft-rocker turns into a lullaby by the end. Would need more camera contact in Liverpool and is far from a sure fire finalist, but it's very much a personal favourite of mine and I'd love for it to make it through.

Grade: 4/5

05. PORTUGAL Mimicat / Ai coração

This semi final is not slowing down and this is another firm favourite of mine: explosive, sexy and funny with a very vibrant performer being in complete control of her own show. Doesn't look or sound like anyone else in this semi and I'm here for every last drop of it. Exquisite.

Grade: 4/5

06. IRELAND Wild Youth / We Are One

Wild? Pedestrian, rather. After five really strong entries in a row I suppose we should all be very thankful to Ireland giving us a moment to breathe and refill our snacks and drinks. But seriously, when will the Irish get their act together again? Is this really the best they can come up with? Not bad as in terrible but bad as in genuinely disinteresting from the first note to the last.

Grade: 1/5

07. CROATIA Let 3 / Mama ŠČ!

Perhaps Ireland isn't terrible but Croatia has every intention to be and are really rolling out their heavy guns. This punk rocker about dictators buying tractors for each other is about as subtle as a horde of elephants in a glass shop. If it is good or not is beside the point: the Croatians are here to get noticed and remembered. Mission accomplished.

Grade: 3/5

08. SWITZERLAND Remo Forrer / Watergun

My first impression of this: nice young man with a nice ballad. Repeated listenings unfortunately made the song grow off me surprisingly quickly, not least thanks to the meek lyrics. My best advice to all songwriters: if you want to write a song about where when there is a war going on really nearby, maybe you should articulate an opinion stronger than "war is kinda bad I suppose". 

Grade: 1/5

09. ISRAEL Noa Kirel / Unicorn

Not so much a song, more like various bits and pieces thrown together in order to make space for a nice stage performance. Mind you, I like a few of the individual bits and bobs but it doesn't fully gel for me. In the end, I prefer solid songs to slick performances (if I can't have both). Chanel has a lot to answer for.

Grade: 2/5

10. MOLDOVA Pasha Parfeni / Soarele și luna

Pasha is back with a piece of folklore in Romanian, complete with the flute of last year's winner. Easy to enjoy for the moment with a few effective hooks but then it begins to wear thing surprisingly fast. Would have need something by the end to elevate it a bit further.

Grade: 3/5

11. SWEDEN Loreen / Tattoo 

It has been a risky business for winners to return to the ESC in the last two decades or so but Loreen is hardly taking any chances. This is beautifully crafted to remind the viewer of "Euphoria" without running the risk of feeling like a copycat. Highly engaging but would benefit from a slightly stripped down performance, allowing Loreen to focus a bit more on her actual singing, but that is a mere detail as this is one of the obvious potential winners this year.

Grade: 5/5

12. AZERBAIJAN TuralTuranX / Tell Me More

For the first time since their debut in 2008, Azerbaijan enters a fully local product instead of buying something from abroad. About time, so I really wish I could like this more. On the plus side, it's a breezy and careful little number with the clearest Beatles-vibe of all songs on their way to Liverpool but unfortunately nothing much happens for three minutes. Every time the song almost goes somewhere it instantly loses its way again. I also have to deduct points for that really annoying "quack quack" sound in the arrangement. Sorry, lads.

Grade: 1/5

13. CZECHIA Vesna / My Sister's Crown

The third entry of the night with clear political undertones (the fourth if you count Latvia) is an engaging song that sounds excellent in its studio cut but less convincing in its national final form. If they can improve the overall impression, this could be one of the better Czech showings to date.

Grade: 3/5

14. NETHERLANDS Mia Nicolai & Dion Cooper / Burning Daylight

The real thriller of the first semi will be this moment when a well-crafted but demanding song will meet a couple of not so fine-tuned vocal chords to perform it. The selection of Mia and Dion has created quite a stir back home but all that matters is what it sounds like on the night. Heaven help the Dutch because this song would always need luck to break through in a competition that is televote only.

Grade: 3/5

15. FINLAND Käärijä / Cha Cha Cha

"Finland being one of the top contenders of winning the ESC with a song in Finnish" was not on my bingo card when the season begun but here we are. Finland's pop scene is full of brilliantly creative madcaps and finally that is fully on display also in this contest. A wild blend of rock and techno that descends into a solid schlager chorus, complete with a mesmerising performance you just can't look away from. Hard Bop Hallelujah.

Grade: 5/5

Completely disregarding who sang badly in their national finals or in various fan events, the ten songs I would personally pick for the final out of this bunch are (in order of appearence): Norway, Malta, Serbia, Latvia, Portugal, Moldova, Sweden, Czechia, Netherlands and Finland. These are all songs I genuinely enjoy listening to but I would not mind if Croatia made the cut either.

This is, however, my personal taste and not a prediction. What ten songs would you select?