Tobson's Big ESC 2019 review, part 3

Since 2013, the running order is no longer the result of a draw. Someone involved in the production instead sequences the songs in order to make a smooth presentation and - hopefully - "good tv".

In many ways it was a good decision. When there are 26 songs, the viewers need a good running order to make it through. When the seventh standard ballad invades the stage - this happened more than a few times when we had a proper draw - few viewers enjoy themselves and start reaching for the remote control. Sequencing is a good thing when done well.

However, since 2013 the same person - Sweden's Christer Björkman - has done the sequencing on at least five occasions and maybe that is beginning to shine through. Should there be a clause saying that the responsibility for the running order cannot be held by the same person too many times?

If you want to check out my opinions on the other songs of this semi, you find them in part one and part two.


13 ICELAND
Hatari - Hatrið mun sigra

One of the problems with the ESC is that it is a contest and most people taking part in it would like to be liked and appreciated and voted for. A lineup where everyone is constantly on their best behaviour can be a bit dull. Lucky break then that Iceland is back to form, ready to shake things up with this warning from the future where everything dear to us is broken down and hate will prevail. This contains more sharp edges than we've seen for years and this is likely to offend as many as it will please.

Qualifier:
Yes, absolutely. It must be. Had the live singing been better in the chorus, this could even have been a potential winner.

My grade: 4/5


14 ESTONIA
Victor Crone / Storm

Victor Crone was a delightful sidekick to Behrang Miri in Melodifestivalen 2015 and I have found myself wondering whatever happened to him after that. I never thought he would show up in Estonia, defending the worst kind of washed-up and bleak radio pop of the kind certain commercial radio stations can never get enough of. What a shame. And how terribly disappointing it is seeing Stig Rästa writing something like this when we all know what he is capable of.

Qualifier:
You never know as a large section of the audience really enjoys stuff like this. Or why would they listen to those radio stations in question? Still, my gut feeling tells me this is just too forgettable to go anywhere. It's a no from me.

My grade: 1/5


15 PORTUGAL
Conan Osiris / Telemovéis

Portugal finally scored their first victory in 2017 and now an unusually large part of the fandom think they could be heading for a repeat run. Talk about getting your mojo working! This is a very experimental track with musical influences from here and there and everywhere, suggestively performed by Conan and his dancer. Maybe it is absolutely brilliant but this one keeps flying well over my head. I'd love to love Portugal but to me this is just three minutes of posing and an attempt to make yourself more interesting than you are. I hear the qualities but the final package is not my thing.

Qualifier:
Yes. I bet all its fans out there are right in some way. It should be in the final and will be in the final. Then it is anyone's guess how well it will work there.

My grade: 2/5


16 GREECE
Katerine Duska / Better Love

Iceland finally found their way back on track and so did Greece, apparently. After several years of half-hearted attempts - it must be hard to keep focus while your government first dismantles your public broadcaster, then revives it again - we finally get a focus and contemporary entry, radio friendly and with hit potential. The only problem here is perhaps that it is so much of a radio song that it won't shake audiences enough to get the highest points but this one should have some solid scoring ahead of itself anyway.

Qualifier:
Yes. Clearly. One of the best songs in the running.

My grade: 4/5


17 SAN MARINO
Serhat / Say Na Na Na

Isn't the last place usually reserved for something really good and therefore we could be pretty sure that whoever gets that spot is a sure qualifier? Wrong. That's not how it works. Sometimes the last spot is also a way to keep something unappealing out of sight for as long as possible, to ensure viewers will stay tuned until the end and not zap to another channel. In San Marino's case, however, that can still work to their advantage. A man in his 50's with a message that everything will be good if you sing a happy tune is pretty ridiculous. But after many competitors taking themselves Very Seriously Indeed, this could come across as a very happy and unpretentious closing point. If you don't know what to vote for by now, maybe Serhat will feel like your man.

Qualifier:
I am going to say yes. The happy and lightweight factor could very well be just enough for San Marino to conquer the tenth place. It would be sweet if they did.

My grade: 2/5


UKRAINE (Not participating)
Maruv / Siren Song

It's hard to keep this contest as unpolitical as the EBU would want it to be and even harder when some active participants find themselves at war. The winner of the long Ukranian national final found herself humiliated on live television and then blackmailed by the national broadcaster: if she didn't publicly severe ties with her (Russian) management and record label, she would be disqualified. She refused and the plan backfired spectacularly as all other NF participants refused to take Maruv's place. NTU pulled out of the contest altogether.

A really stupid move as this would have been this year's game changer and the entry that would have blown the likes of Cyprus, Switzerland and Iceland out of the water. Sexy and catchy, yet with a very dark undercurrent of menace, it would have troubled and enthused the masses. A great loss for the contest but if the NTU is going to keep bullying their own participants in this way there is no need for them to come back at all.

Question:
Why are so many of the songs pulled out of the competition like that brilliant? Broadcasters could pull out with their Piero Esteriore-entries instead.

My grade: 5/5


If you want to agree or disagree with me, please leave a comment or send me a tweet. All the preview clips can be seen here.

Tweet to @TobsonHelsinki

Tobson's Big ESC 2018 review, part 4

The person in charge of sequencing the running order has a great deal of power, that is for sure.

When the draw was abandoned in 2013, the new system was promised to guarantee a better show: similar styles would be spread out and so would geographical and cultural neighbours. Something the producers have not always managed to live up to.

In the semi finals, however, it is unlikely that the producer can make or break an entry just by giving it a certain spot. If the audience likes something, they will vote for it regardless. Last year's first semi proved quite convincingly there are no safe spots anywhere. The final is a different story altogether but let's deal with the last semifinalists first.

10. GEORGIA
Iriao / For You

A beautiful and intriguing piece of folklore presented by a country that always seems to find new areas to explore and almost never takes the easiest route in this contest. Maybe a bit lacking in dynamics to be a real points magnet but its musical merits alone should be enough to assure it some success.

Qualifier:
Borderline but I hope it will. There is something very likeable about men singing in harmonies like this.

My grade: 3/5

11. POLAND
Gromee feat Lukas Meijer / Light Me Up

Given recent events, it is hard not to think of Avicii here and label this entry Avicii-light. Musically it is not a bad effort and it has some good hooks in the chorus, but it also feels very lightweight and the performance in the national final was a complete and utter visual mess that needs to get sorted out.

Qualifier:
Borderline. Relies far more on televote love than most. If the Poles around Europe are awake and alert, then this one will make it, but they were not as eager to vote as expected last year.

My grade: 2/5

12. MALTA
Christabelle / Taboo

Flashback to a kind of entry that used to be really popular a couple of years ago, with a slightly aggressive-sounding female vocalist in an almost contemporary soundscape. I liked this when it won in Malta, then it grew off me surprisingly quickly. Now it just feels repetitive and dated and heard before.

Qualifier:
No, unless the viewers at home get lost in nostalgia. I'd say that's unlikely.

My grade: 1/5

13. HUNGARY
AWS / Viszlát nyár

I am not going to pretend to be a connoisseur of heavy rock but I'm delighted to see other genres than "eurovision-rock" take part at the ESC. This is heavy, hard, noisy and with more than a fair share of angst in it. It almost hurts when you hear it and I'm very happy about this glimpse into a musical landscape I seldom venture into.

Qualifier:
Yes. This must make it. We need something as different and refreshing as this in the final.

My grade: 3/5

14. LATVIA
Laura Rizzotto / Funny Girl

Another vaguely Bond-esque number by a performer with a sense of drama. Or so I hope. While this song is one of my personal favourites - I absolutely love the lyrics - the video clip is pretty much standing in the way of the song, making it feel a lot less engaging than it is when I only hear it. This one needs a firm injection of some sort of action in Lisbon.

Qualifier:
Yes, I hope so. But it could equally well end 11th. Or - if the staging is poor - it could even crash and burn close to the end of the result.

My grade: 4/5

15. SWEDEN
Benjamin Ingrosso / Dance You Off

Somehow this evolved from being a competent, visually stunning but slightly boring first semi qualifier in MF to something very different. Surprising that Sweden enters exactly the same thing two years in a row - a contemporary number where visuals are more important than the actual content - but this song keeps growing and growing.

Qualifier:
Yes. And also the winner of this semi.

My grade: 4/5

16. MONTENEGRO
Vanja Radovanović / Inje

Sometimes having all the right components is still not enough. Montenegro has a convincing performer, a solid ballad performed in their own language and quite a lot of emotion and passion soaring through their entry. And yet no matter how many times I listen, I can never remember what it sounds like once it is over. That can't be a good thing.

Qualifier:

No, unless Europe hears something I can't hear. In a way I wish they would.

My grade: 2/5

17. SLOVENIA

Lea Sirk / Hvala ne

A Slovenian babe with an attitude it all it takes for me. I am totally sold here. The beat, the idea, the ice cold lack of a proper chorus. I'm convinced. Not that Slovenia has a great track record when it comes to convince the people who are voting, though.

Qualifier:

Yes. I want this to qualify. (Maybe I don't really expect it to qualify but I'm not giving up just yet.)

My grade: 4/5

18. UKRAINE

Mélovin / Under The Ladder

I'm struggling here. There are so many good bits and pieces here and Mélovin is an engaging performer and yet things don't click into place for me. Extra plus for energy and conviction but the tempo changes are weird. And what is he even singing about? Confusion all around.

Qualifier: Yes, of course. Ukraine are brilliant at this and we are likely to get a stunning package in the end. Last year is long forgotten.

My grade: 2/5

Maybe you also want to read parts one, two and three of this review? And maybe you also want to see when I blog my way through every Eurovision entry ever (in Swedish) over here?

Tobson's Big ESC 2017 Review, part 10

In less than a week from now, the first semi will be happening before our very eyes and it is time for me to wrap up this review of all entries taking part in Kyiv (plus Russia - you find my view on their non-participating entry in part 5).

Despite looking bleak at one point, this year's lineup has proven to be quite a good one and if the juries and the televoters do what they should in the semis we could look forward to a very strong final.

SPAIN
Manel Navarro / Do It For Your Lover

Manel is a charming young lad from Catalonia, armed with a very simple and rather effective song that oozes of carefree days in the sun. The kind of song most people should be able to like at least a bit, I reckon. That means he could collect quite a decent amount of points from the juries, but that is not going to be enough. I wouldn't be surprised if this is the song with the lowest score in the televote this year - it's a song most people can like a bit but at the same time it is nobody's favourite. Who will reach for the phone and actually vote for this?

A potential winner?
No way. Spain - another of those countries with the potential to make it into the top five every year if they only could make a tiny effort - runs a serious risk of ending in the very last place. When will they snap out of it and start sending in entries that could actually score instead? It has been 22 years since Spain last had a top five finish. Wouldn't it be about time to get back there soon?

My grade: 2/5



Manel Navarro / Do It For Your Lover (Spain 2017 preview)

UNITED KINGDOM
Lucie Jones / Never Give Up On You

The UK decided - for reasons best known to themselves - to put their trust into ESC winner Emmelie de Forest and her songwriting skills. After some major nip and tuck and a successful revamp it seems people are getting their hopes up for an unusually high UK placing. In fact, they are getting their hopes up far too much. This is a nice little ballad and Lucie sure can sing, but it wouldn't be fair to place too high expectations on this entry. It's a nice little ballad but not anything more than that.

A potential winner?
No. On a good day and with a fantastic performance, Lucie could possibly make it into the lower regions of the top ten. Which - admittedly - would be a fantastic result for the UK these days.

My grade: 2/5



Lucie Jones / Never Give Up On You (United Kingdom 2017 preview)

22. UKRAINE
O.Torvald / Time

Ukraine entered the ESC like a hurricane in 2003 and very soon they made themselves a place in my heart as one of my favourite countries in the contest. They usually have so much humour as well as really interesting songs and performers. But things tend to go out of hand every time they host the whole thing. They go all political and lose all of the things that usually make them stand out and this little rocker is far below their regular output. It wants to be a big and noisy headbanger but it nothing more than a soft kitten trying to look like a lethal tiger.

A potential winner?
Nowhere near that. Maybe we didn't really want Ukraine to win again under the current circumstances but something stronger than this would have been nice. There will be a certain amount of polite points and that will be it. 20th place?

My grade: 1/5



O.Torvald / Time (Ukraine 2017 preview)

ESC 2017: some songs and a big fat scandal

The 2017 Eurovision Song Contest in Kyiv is one month away and there are still so many things to look forward to. And yet I think I already know what this edition will be remembered for. Sadly, it is not the songs.

Many people could smell trouble already when the EBU allowed Ukraine to compete with the highly political "1944" last year. I don't necessarily agree with that. We always had political messages in the ESC - Greece 1976 och Portugal 1977 spring to mind - and where does one draw the line what kind of political message is acceptable or not? Singing about world peace is also a political statement, mind you.

It was a tense moment as the 2016 final turned out to be a duel between Russia and Ukraine, the latter having already stated they would not take part in a final hosted by the former. 

The run-up for ESC 2017 suggested Russia was not too keen on being seen in Kyiv either as they failed to participate in several meetings prior to the contest and never booked any accommodation. Suddenly they presented an entry anyway, set to participate.

The Russian entrant was carefully selected: a former talent show participant suffering from a muscle disease that confined her to a wheelchair. She was armed with a ballad about peace and hope and - perhaps most importantly - she had had concerts in Crimea. 

Ukraine has very clear laws on this matter: anyone entering Crimea from Russia is violating Ukrainian territory and is seen as a criminal. Russia's singer was slapped with a travel ban to prevent her from coming to Kyiv at all instead of being arrested upon arrival.

This is where the EBU lost their marbles altogether and did everything they could to ensure Russian participation. They suggested Russia could perform via a satellite link - a suggestion so silly and against the spirit of the contest I can hardly phrase it in words - and once this idea was discarded went on to try to bully Ukraine into lifting the travel ban and a letter from the EBU sent to the Ukrainian prime minister contained a number of pretty vague threats.

1) Ukraine's international reputation will be damaged if the Russian singer is not allowed to enter. 

I somehow think neither NATO nor the EU will care an awful lot about a song contest as they make their strategic decisions.

2) Other countries will withdraw if the Russian performer is not allowed to enter. 

So let them withdraw. There are rules how to handle late withdrawals: the broadcasters in question must pay their full participation fees and could be slapped with extensive fines for pulling out at a late stage for no valid reason.

3) Ukraine's future participation in the ESC could be in danger if the Russian performer is not allowed to enter. 

Dear EBU - Ukraine is a country at war. This law was made for a reason. You can agree or disagree with it but it is in no way controversial that a country reserves the right to deny entry to people for various reasons. If the government has to choose between standing their ground or participate in a song contest, I think you are not on the winning side.

The very thought that the EBU - not a political organisation - would have a mandate to force a member state to give up their own legislation for the sake of an entertainment show is absurd and very damaging for the idea that the ESC is not a political event.

There - I got it off my chest. Let's move on to the songs instead. My big ESC 2017 review is about to begin.

ESC 2016: Russia vs Ukraine

It's a shame the aftermath of the ESC is so political. It is hard to discuss music when the general tone is harsh and unforgiving.

I am happy that Ukraine won. It is a daring and demanding piece of music and ot your usual happy little pop song. While I would have hoped for something slightly more commercial, I'm happy that experimental and alternative sounds stand a chance in the contest.

Several times when I tried to make this point I was met by the question if I was happy now as LGBT rights in Ukraine are almost as bad as the ones in Russia. I beg your pardon?

This was the year I really tried to keep politics out of this. Russia ditched the hypocritical peace anthems that made me see red in the past so I decided to follow suit and judge them on musical merit.

In my humble opinion the Russian song was good but not excellent while the performance was state of the art, partially very impressive, partially very cold and technical. Add all these things together and I think a third place is a really fair outcome. A result most countries would be really happy with.

Then of course the relationship between Russia and Ukraine is not an easy one. Especially not at the moment. Had a look at the Ukrainian tv news that seemed happier about being Russia than actually winning. And the tone of the many articles declaring Eurovision dead and hopeless, published by Russian "news outlet" RT, is nothing but ridiculous. At least it was nice to see Ukraine scoring highly in the Russian televote and vice versa.

Time to take a deep breath and remind ourselves this is just a song contest?

ESC 2016: Tobson's thoughts after the final

Now wasn't that a shocker, Europe? The final of the 2016 Eurovision Song Contest ended like a real thriller should with suspense up until the very last vote was cast.

The worst thing about the new voting sequence is that it reminds me a bit of the system used in 1971-1973 in the sense that many big numbers fly across the screen in short time. It was far from easy to keep track on where in the ranking countries landed if they were out of the top ten in the televote.

The best thing about the new voting sequence was of course the excitement. Just as you thought Australia had won by a landslide the whole thing was turned upside down and everything changed with the second last set of votes and almost changed again in the last round. Excellent entertainment.

Ukraine ended in second place with both juries and televotes. Some people are upset and mean they didn't deserve the victory because of that. It is like arguing Bucks Fizz did not deserve to win in 1981 as they only got two sets of 12 points. The song that receives the highest amount of points wins. End of.

I did mention Ukraine as a potential winner the other day but was still a bit surprised. Sadly the winner is unlikely to become a commercial hit in a traditional sense, but it is a good thing in a year dominated by theatrics, moving sets and projections that an entry focusing entirely on music and singing won.

I would honestly have been pleased with Australia or Russia winning as well. I was really happy for Bulgaria and France for great placings and for Austria doing so well in the televote.

Sad that my darling from Italy only managed a 16th place in the end. Thought she would receive far more love from the juries. Also Spain and United Kingdom deserved more than these fiascos.

And Germany - last for the second consecutive year. ARD really must take a long hard think how to improve quality control in their national final and find entries that break through to international audiences. How to achieve that is a question for tomorrow, however.

The results:
01) Ukraine / 1944 / Jamala 534 points
02) Australia / Sound of Silence / Dami Im 511
03) Russia / You're The Only One / Sergey Lazarev 491
04) Bulgaria / If Love Was A Crime / Poli Genova 307
05) Sweden / If I Were Sorry / Frans 261

06) France 257, 07) Armenia 249, 08) Poland 229, 09) Lithuania 200, 10) Belgium 181, 11) Netherlands 153, 12) Malta 153, 13) Austria 151, 14) Israel 135, 15) Latvia 132, 16) Italy 124, 17) Azerbaijan 117, 18) Serbia 115, 19) Hungary 108, 20) Georgia 104, 21) Cyprus 96, 22) Spain 77, 23) Croatia 73, 24) United Kingdom 62, 25) Czech republic 41, 26) Germany 11.



Jamala / 1944 (Ukraine 2016)

ESC 2016: And the winner is...

The running order for the grand final got to sink in during the day and tomorrow I will give my final word on how Saturday's show will end. Right now I have no idea. I doubt I will tomorrow either.

But I boiled the whole thing down to six countries that could win tomorrow. Six countries that I'd see as the only realistic contenders for victory. (And one potential super surprise in the making.)

But our winner tomorrow will be one of these:

RUSSIA
Ridiculous to say anything else than Russia being the big hot favourite, the most likely winner tomorrow. And yet my gut feeling tells me Russia is more likely to confirm their position as the new United Kingdom, aka the eternal runner-up. The show is impressive, but not outstanding. Sergey sings well but not perfectly. Critical judges should see through the technical trickery and identify that the song is good but not terrific. However, Russia winning would show once and for all that nobody is doomed on politics alone.

ITALY
I don't give up until I'm defeated. The best song in the running must have a chance of winning, even with a surprisingly bad spot in the running order. On the jury final the people who already liked the song loved Francesca's performance, the people who are not convinced thought it lacked something. Business as usual. If there is any point to having juries at all, they should recognise what a fantastic song this is and reward it heavily.

FRANCE
Not giving up on France either. If Amir turns on that charm he has stashed away somewhere he could collect an impressive number of televotes. It is not juries alone who decide the winner even if Europe will get the idea at first in the final.

UKRAINE
Smashing performance of a difficult but engaging song. It would hardly be the big summer hit of 2016 if it won but at least it would take the focus back to songs, performers and singing skills instead of projections and holograms.

AUSTRALIA
Another stunning vocal and a more hit friendly song. The only letdown is the ridiculous special effect during the second verse that only distracts and doesn't even properly work.

SWEDEN
The last time a country won on home ground was Ireland back in 1994. Wouldn't it be most fitting if Sweden repeated the feat and won their own competition at the same time as going into the lead of countries winning Eurovision?

AUSTRIA (Potential super surprise in the making)
Pink and fluffy and sweet, it dances in on stage not being anything else than what meets the eye. Old-fashioned, likeable, understandable. Normal, if I dare say so, coming after Georgia. It's unlikely but once in a blue moon the sky falls down on our heads.

Watch this space for a more detailed prediction tomorrow. Sleep well, if you can.

Semi 2: 14 Ukraine / 1944

It isn't entirely unusual that countries that go through difficult times decide to sing about this at Eurovision. Problem is that it is difficult territory and the rules clearly state no song may carry political messages of any kind.

Which isn't any easy rule to live by. If you sing everyone has the right to love who they want, it is a political statement if you so wish. Where do you draw the line?

Jamala sings about people who come to your house, kill everyone and say they're not guilty. Not all that easy to digest and pretty easy to identify as a political message. However, the song is explicitly about events taking place in 1944, which makes it an eligible subject. The fact that the same lyrics could be applied to today's situation is just a coincidence. (Surely.)

Luckily this is no pretentious peace anthem. It's a minimalist, haunting dance track and Jamala performs it excellently. If you have doubts about the lyrical content there is no need to have any reservations about the song.

Qualifier:
Yes, you bet. Demanding but totally appealing. And Jamala herself is just perfect.

My grade: 4/5



Jamala / 1944 (Ukraine 2016 preview clip)

Runner-up: Ukraine 2008

Sometimes this big guessing game also known as the Eurovision Song Contest can really become too much for you to take. When you are so sure about how things will end that you can't really register what is happening. When it will take days for the truth to sink in.

2008 was a fine example of just that.

I didn't care much for "Shady Lady" in the previews, to tell the truth. I thought it was slick and catchy but also a bit bland and predictable. Then I saw footage from the rehearsals and was totally blown away.

The stage show that Ani Lorak put on was so perfect, like a human firework. After seeing the live performance in the semi final I was 100 per cent convinced that this must be the winner. Possibly with the largest margin in Eurovision history.

For some reason, the Ukrainian disco stomper missed its target and the televoting public failed to see the obvious. Out of 42 countries that could vote for it, seven awarded nul points to "Shady Lady" and only one country - Portugal - gave it 12 points.

The obvious candidate found itself flatly beaten by one of the weakest winners ever. Writing this, I still have to rub my eyes to realise it wasn't just a bad dream and this actually happened.

A deserved 2nd place?
Let me spell it out for you: It. Should. Have. Won. End of.



Ani Lorak - Shady Lady (Ukraine 2008)

Nobody's favourite but mine, part 1

Sometimes I get the impression there is a certain kind of eurovision fan who only watches the contest in order to get to criticise as many things as possible. To just slam every song they hear and rip them to shreds.

I admit it can be great fun to do just that. When you find something that is really terribly bad and you manage to find just the right words to explain why something makes your ears bleed and your heart cry.

It's just that I'm so incredibly fond of liking things. I can often find redeeming factors in most really weird entries and in general I like so many more things than I dislike. So just to prove my point I will present you a number of songs only I like. Here are five songs I like very much to most people's honest surprise and incomprehension.



Afroditi Fryda - Clown (Greece 1988)

Famously, the jury in the national final selected a winner only after pointing out how underwhelming all candidates were and recommending the national tv company to pull out of the competition instead of sending either one to a sure defeat in Dublin. If that anecdote is true - it has been attached to a number of Greek national finals through the years - the jury were not entirely wrong as the song received a grand total of ten points.

I disagreed with juries - business as usual - and found an attractive sadness in between all the compulsive laughter. When I finally saw a translation of the lyrics I realised it was all in my head as there wasn't the slightest trace of ambiguity or darkness. I still love it anyway. Ha ha ha ha!



George Nussbaumer - Weils dr guat got (Austria 1996)

Eurovision and gospel music has always been a hard nut to crack. Quite a few entrants have tried through the years without really getting it right. It becomes a bit too polished and soft and harmless to leave any real traces or reveal any deeper emotion. Except perhaps for this bunch of crazy Austrians.

The song is perhaps not all that remarkable in itself and I wasn't really blown away by the preview clip, but the live performance is the closest thing we ever came to a perfect re-enactment of a tropical hurricane. The backing group - including Stella Jones and Bettina Soriat who both represented their country as solo singers in the 90's - become so incredibly animated and worked-up that you suspect the hall will run out of oxygen before the song is over. Not everyone's cup of tea but I find it irresistible.



Oleksandr - Hasta la vista (Ukraine 2003)

Isn't it strange that Ukraine - famous for doing everything right in the ESC - would start out by getting more or less everything wrong in their debut entry? The cheesy lyrics, the old-fashioned arrangement, the Kermit-the-frog-at-the-opera vocals and the most peculiar dancer in the background. It is all so puzzling. What were they thinking? Were they convinced they had a winner on their hands? The worst part still is that I've grown remarkably fond of it over the years. For all the wrong reasons, mind you. But very fond all the same.



Modern Folk Trio & Aysegül - Dönme dolap (Turkey 1981)

I'm surprisingly easy at times, I have to admit to that. Shake a piece of homemade disco muzak Made in Turkey in front of me and my knees will turn into jelly. If it is performed by three distinguished gentlemen in white, accompanied by a cheerful lady, performing a choreography that should be simple but that seems to pose a real challenge for the group, I'll be even happier. If you top it with a shockingly nonsense set of lyrics - stating that life is a merry-go-round as it goes up and then down again - I'll just roll over and admit I'm defeated.



Daisy Auvray - Mister Music Man (Switzerland 1992)

This is what I suppose happened: Poor Daisy didn't get out much and this time she decided to really live the moment to the fullest. She had enjoyed a glass of wine or two and felt lovely and vibrant and alive and wanted the whole world to know. She grabbed a microphone, decided to put her happiness into song and asked the band to strike up an old-fashioned sound that would suit her perfectly. How was poor Daisy to know this was not a karaoke bar at all but the Swiss national final?

Seriously, though. This was so violently out of sync with any kind of musical trend or fashion back then, but time has been really kind to this in comparison to many other entries from the same year. Perhaps not the best song there ever was, but the whole performance is sweet. And endearing. And that must be worth something too.

Semi 1: 09 Ukraine

Given Ukraine's track record of changing their entries following dramatic political changes, it is a bit of a surprise to see the winner of the national final held back in December to still stand. Even if it has gone through a most radical facelift since.



Maria Yaremchuk - Tick Tock (Ukraine 2014)

Who can blame the Ukranians if they had other things to tend to instead of masterminding their ESC participation? Their country has been shaken by the biggest political turbulence since independence was declared, something that must make this song contest look pretty insignificant in comparison.

Somebody has been paying some attention however, since the selected entry has gone through a renovation of the bigger kind. A bit like tearing the old house down and build something completely new in the same place.

It works - the new arrangement is slick and effective and Maria's new look and approach gives the whole thing a fresh and energetic feel. Just too bad that it is the same - rather weak - song that has just been polished.

Qualifier: Yes, easily. But once in the final, the audience could possibly start seeing through the elegant surface and realise there is not a great deal to be found beneath.

My grade: 3/5

Semi 1: eight out of ten is not bad

After a stylish first semi final with no visible hiccups (not any I could detect anyway) we stand here with the first ten qualifiers of the year.

Estonia, Denmark, Russia, Ukraine, Netherlands, Lithuania, Belarus, Moldova, Ireland and Belgium.

When I predicted the results earlier today, I got eight right out of ten. That's pretty good. I finally ticked the boxes of Croatia and Serbia, who failed to convince the audience in the end. I don't miss them an awful lot, but I feel sorry for Croatia losing out on four consecutive occasions.

But the two finalists I had not foreseen, then? What can I say? 

I take pride in not having predicted Belarus. Not only do I find the song weak and cheesy, I also thought the performance was strained and forced and anything but charming. Everyone else must have seen something that was invisible to me.

Lithuania has made a nasty habit of failing when I like them and qualifying when I think they deserve to fail. I'm not going to cry "diaspora vote" until I see the complete scores from tonight's voting, but it's surprising that a performance as flat as this one could make the final cut.

On the other hand, I am really happy about Estonia and Belgium making it. They were my personal favourites tonight and I doubted that either one of them would enthuse the masses. Especially Roberto Bellarosa was so touching when he almost tore up his little plastic flag with pure happiness.

I also felt for the Dutch, since they were the last country to be announced. Of course. Had I worked for the EBU, I would have saved them for last as well. They have not been in a final since 2004, and extra tension is good for any old show.

Now it is time to recharge the batteries a bit and think about how to predict the second semi. Not at all sure who I'll settle for there. But I save that problem for later.

Semi 1: these are my ten qualifiers

I don't really know why this is, but every year when you are supposed to predict the results you get hit by a surreal feeling of seriousness. But its just a game, isn't it? My guess is as good as yours, et cetera?

Well, there is still some sort of pressure. I wouldn't want to stand there with only four correct countries in the end when everyone else predicted everything right.

So here are tonight's contenders and my final prediction as to who will make it and who won't.

1. AUSTRIA Shine / Natália Kelly
I always thought this would be a very good opening number for the semi final. Perhaps it still is, but it comes at the cost of being eclipsed by everything that comes after it. The song is pleasant and Natália does nothing wrong, but the audience is highly unlikely of remembering this particularly well when the phone lines open.
Qualifier: No.

2. ESTONIA Et uus saaks alguse / Birgit Õigemeel
If this ballad and the Cypriot ballad could swap places in the running order, there would be no doubt in my mind that Birgit and Estonia would make it. This is elegant, sober and very well performed. Not to mention my favourite ballad in this semi. I want to believe in this.
Qualifier: Yes

3. SLOVENIA Straight Into Love / Hannah
Modern, slick and club friendly - but for some reason these qualities seem to matter very little when people cast their votes. Even if Hannah hits all the notes correctly, this is not the kind of song that usually breaks through and a qualification would be a great surprise.
Qualifier: No

4. CROATIA Mižerija / Klapa s mora
Many will find this dull and old-fashioned but a large section of the audience will also hear competent singing and a competent melody line. I'm pretty convinced that quite a few jury members will belong to that latter category.
Qualifier: Yes

5. DENMARK Only Teardrops / Emmelie de Forest
Will the biggest pre-contest make it through the semi? Of course it will. Denmark missing out at this early stage would be more drama than anyone could handle on a Tuesday night.
Qualifier: Yes

6. RUSSIA What If / Dina Garipova
A clean and plesant melody line, a good vocalist and tons of cheese in the lyrical department. Quite far from being one of my personal favourites, qualification is still pretty inevitable.
Qualifier: Yes

7. UKRAINE Gravity / Zlata Ognevich
All this talk of Zlata being carried by a giant and possibly overacting her performance in rehearsals made me worry a bit at first, but there is enough of brilliance and elegance in this song to make it sail safely into the final either way.
Qualifier: Yes

8. NETHERLANDS Birds / Anouk
Suddenly people started having doubts, thinking that the Dutch curse will continue and that Anouk will fail. That is not going to happen. This is the first really good and credible Dutch entry for more than ten years, it will get rewarded for that.
Qualifier: Yes

9. MONTENEGRO Igranka / Who See feat Nina Žižić
One week ago I predicted these party bunnies in the final but I think I changed my mind again. This is a big hit in several ex-yugoslav countries, but even if they shower them in points it won't be enough unless everyone else also fall for this. I would not mind if they did, but I don't see it happening.
Qualifier: No

10. LITHUANIA Something / Andrius Pojavis
I thought I would like this more when I just heard it and didn't have to see the confusing preview presentation. It didn't help, it just showed me how underproduced it is. How little bite or attitude there is. Lithuania surprised me by qualifying in 2011 and 2012. I don't think they will surprise me this time.
Qualifier: No

11. BELARUS Solayoh / Alyona Lanskaya
The more I hear this one, the more I think it sounds like a jingle from an ice cream commercial more than a pop hit. And I can't shake the feeling that it even leaves poor Alyona cold. I still can't see who would vote for this, especially not if they happen to sit in a jury room.
Qualifier: No

12. MOLDOVA O mie / Aliona Moon
I wasn't too sure about this ballad at first, but it kept growing and growing. Just like Aliona's dress is going to tonight. A good performance that also stays in the visual memory is never a bad idea in this contest, a trick that Moldova has mastered well in recent years.
Qualifier: Yes

13. IRELAND Only Love Survives / Ryan Dolan
The first uptempo song that is modern, dance-friendly as well as user-friendly and easily accessible, performed by a fresh and likeable young man accompanied by a healthy amount of drumming and dance beats. The Irish should have nothing to worry about.
Qualifier: Yes

14. CYPRUS An me thimase / Despina Olympiou
Elegance, temper and talent can take a weak song quite a long way. The televoting masses have short memory and in an unfair world Cyprus could win precious ballad votes and take Estonia's place in the final. If so, I promise to be happy for Despina, but her song doesn't quite deserve it.
Qualifier: No

15. BELGIUM Love Kills / Roberto Bellarosa
This is one of my biggest favourites in this semi final but it seems my sentiments are not mirrored by the people predicting the outcome in Malmö. I don't care - I think this chorus and Roberto's nervous intensity will break through to enough people.
Qualifier: Yes

16. SERBIA Ljubav je svuda / Moje 3
The Serbian trio rip and tear their little song to bits and the little hooks and ideas scattered around the chorus get a bit lost in this shoutfest. And yet I think this will make the final cut by looking and sounding familiar enough in combination with being the last country in the presentation. I would prefer Montenegro or Slovenia in the final, but I don't think I will have my way.
Qualifier: Yes

So these are my ten qualifiers tonight: Estonia, Croatia, Denmark, Russia, Ukraine, Netherlands, Moldova, Ireland, Belgium, Serbia.

If I get eight songs right, I will be content. Nine and I will be happy - unless the one I'm wrong about is Anouk. Ten right and I will celebrate until the second semi.

What do you think, folks?

ESC 2013: who is our winner, then?

Two weeks before the big eurovision final and right before the rehearsals start, I managed to finish my big review of the entries in their preview versions.

At some point somebody asked me in a comment who would get my full five-pointer out of these entries and the answer is that nobody got a rating of five.

No less than thirteen countries (one third of the line-up) got four points out of five possible, and for me that describes this year perfectly. It is a good year with many strong contenders but it lacks those complete standout, runaway victory-type of entries.

Which is arguably a good thing. With a bit of luck we could get a tight, nerve-wracking, intense voting sequence that will keep us in suspense up until the very last country has cast its votes. It has been ten years since we had a voting like that. It would be about time.

What about my thirteen four-pointers then? Well, they can be divided into a number of sub-categories:

Personal favourites

I don't really believe that Estonia, Greece, Hungary or Malta will have any real chance of winning the big final, they just happen to ignite something in me. Nobody would be happier than me if I was wrong but I don't think I am.

The potential surprises

I was there to see Marie N win the 2002 final. I remember the sound of everyone's jaws dropping as Riva won for Yugoslavia in 1989. Sometimes the unlikely will happen and then Finland, Belgium, Ireland or France could break through to the audience in an unexpected way and start collecting points aplenty.

The gourmet entries
Italy's song is perhaps too slow, Norway is too modern and has too sharp edges and the Netherlands sounds more like a classy film soundtrack than a eurovision winner. Don't forget that sometimes quality stands out and wins through despite not being tailor-made for this contest. Think Molitva. Think Yohanna.

The crowd-pleasers

Denmark is the biggest favourite to win and has a most easily accessible formula with its singalong chorus and tin whistle. Ukraine has a very engaging performer and always knows how to tweak the last little drop of entertainment out of their songs.

Conclusion?

Do I have to say something clever to sum this up now? Before any rehearsals have started or anything like that, I will just state that my dream winner - the one I think could be the best choice for the future of the contest - would be Norway, Netherlands or Italy. Sharp edges and hit potential for the win.

Ask me again in a week and I might have changed my mind completely. Bring on the rehearsals.

Semi 1: 07 Ukraine

Dear Ukraine. How do you do it? I think most other regular Eurovision participants would be eager to know. Again we stand here with a song that is likely to go far, very far indeed.



Zlata Ognevich - Gravity (Ukraine 2013)

This is clearly the kind of song that Russian Dina should have had on her hands instead: a strong uptempo ballad that quickly unfolds from a delicate, almost whispered, start and starts building. And building and building and building into an impressive ending.

My only real concern here is that it took me forever to identify anything similar to a chorus, but even before I did this song worked really well thanks to a complete set of clever vocal gimmicks and a very polished performance by Zlata.

Given the usual Ukrainian ability of setting their songs alight on a eurovision stage, even in the years when the song itself is weak, this pearl could very well grow into a complete powerhouse before the rehearsals are over in Malmö.

Qualifier:
Yes. And a very strong contender in the final.

My grade: 4/5

Tobson's Ranking: #14 Ukraine

Ukraine has had better songs through the years. Better presentations as well. But they sure know how to put on a party.




Gajtana - Be My Guest (Ukraine 2012)

The big purpose with the Ukranian entry seemed to be to promote the European Football Championships more than anything else, and that seems to have gone according to plan.

Gajtana is a feisty character and a tremenduous singer who might have ended up with a little too little to sing, leaving her no choice but to wail away for most of her three minutes. She does it well, but the song turns out more than a little bit more shouty than it needed to be.

That's not a big deal, though. I had a very good time together with the girl, her wacko dancers and her animated backing troop on the backdrop.

In short, a great performance. Had it been combined with a better song, Ukraine could easily have found themselves in the top spots again.

My grade: 3/5

The 2012 review, part six

The first five contained some good and some not so good... In this bunch of songs, the line-up will take a turn for the better, at least in my book.

6. PORTUGAL



Filipa Sousa - Vida minha

Portuguese television really tried to shake up their national final this year by auditioning vocally secure performers and then commission suitable songs from them. All that effort, and still we end up with a song very much like many others that RTP contributed in the past.

There is nothing wrong with Filipa, there is nothing technically wrong with the song, but I can't help but wonder when the message will start sinking in. When will the Portuguese realise this is not the sort of entry that anyone votes for? They had a good string of entries a couple of years ago, but now I wonder if they even want to win.

Qualifyer:
No, most probably not. The people who voted for "Senhora do Mar" in 2008 will still like this, but the competition for ballad points in this semi final is absolutely crushing. A Portuguese qualification would, and should, be a big surprise for most.

My grade: 1/5

7. UKRAINE



Gaitana - Be My Guest

If there is one country that never lets us down completely, then it must be Ukraine. Every year, they send in good songs by good performers and on top of that they stage something really effective on stage, to further enhance their entries.

This year is no exception, as the Ukrainians take the opportunity to promote the upcoming football championships with a hit tailormade to be the official Uefa song of 2012. Gaitana is also a sparkling and exciting presence, who is sure to blow extra life, energy and conviction into this, and I can't wait to see what this will look like in Baku.

Qualifyer:
Yes. The song is maybe not the best one Ukraine ever sent to Eurovision, but this entry will surely be bigger than the song come May.

My grade: 3/5

8. BULGARIA



Sofi Marinova - Love Unlimited

Had this song contest been an arena where only musical aspects had been taken into consideration, then Bulgaria could be sure of success this year. This is a very pleasant house-light-production that you can enjoy both listening to and dancing to, and Sofi Marinova is a vocal asset that feels steady and reliable throughout the entire number.

But this is a televised event where people are also able to see what songs look like and that is where this team has to start working. The performance in the national final is static and uneventful, the dress is ill-advised and whenever Sofi has no singing to do she starts feeling lost on stage. This clip also contains dancers, but it is not obvious that Sofi and her dancers will look good together.

This could turn out to be a real mess, and then nobody will listen to the song.

Qualifyer:
Yes. I want to believe that the Bulgarians will get on top of things and sort their performance out. I really want to see them back in the final again. I feel they belong there.

My grade: 3/5

9. SLOVENIA



Eva Boto - Verjamem

This entry manages to pinpoint the problem in using a casting show as eurovision selection. You find an excellent girl like Eva Boto, who sings fantastically and has a very fresh appearance, but then suddenly you need to find a song that will suit her.

I might be old-fashioned, but in a song contest you need a strong song coupled with a performer that can deliever it in the best way possible. In this case, I feel that Eva and the song (written by the man behind "Molitva" as you can tell) never completely embrace each other. She sings it brilliantly, but it doesn't feel like her song. It feels like it was written for somebody else, somebody different, and I can sense that.

I think Eva would have been better off with something slightly more youthful, slightly more in tune with what she knows and where she is in life.

Qualifyer:
Possibly. It is still a well-crafted song and Eva is a real talent. If the televoters won't play ball, the juries should recognise the vocal qualities here. But it could just as well end up a few points short of qualification.

My grade: 2/5

10. CROATIA



Nina Badrić - Nebo

When your national final keeps giving you dismal entries and bad results, it is never a bad idea to scrap the whole thing and call up a real star and ask them to do the job for you. Nina Badrić is a real star and her mere presence will probably make it easier for Croatian television to convince real talent to give the ESC a shot next year.

Just too bad that the star in question seems to have selected a song that means a lot to her personally rather than finding the best possible entry. This is a fine song with a clever construction, and a good showcase of her own songwriting talent, but it takes too many listenings for the chorus to truly impose itself for this to be a real contender.


Qualifyer:
Yes, anything else would be a big surprise. But this star might have to content herself with a place a bit further down in the final.

My grade: 3/5

Ukraine 2012: Gaïtana blows the horn

After a long, almost neverending, national final procedure, Ukraine has chosen Gaïtana as their representative for Baku with her self-penned song "Be My Guest".



Gaïtana - Be My Guest (Ukraine 2012)

At least it won the big national final, but in Ukraine that sort of thing means nothing. The last two years both saw great flaws in the selection formats, resulting in huge scandals. Let's see if the result remains unquestioned this time around.

Gaïtana herself is a clever choice, she is a star with a big voice (slightly reminiscent of my favourite Jamala from last year's final) and her song contains a fair share of musical handles.

The gimmick with the dancing trumpetists is clever as it gives the song a distinctive sound as well as a very visual hook. And we can safely depend on Ukraine to polish this performance even further.

The song is also a dance track with certain potential in its own right, and somehow it makes my mind drift towards another successful chart record. Not bad at all.



David Guetta feat Kelly Rowland - When Love Takes Over

Tobson Ranking: #14 Ukraine

I can't explain it. Maybe it's something in the water. But nobody can work their entries quite like the Ukrainians.



Mika Newton - Angel (Ukraine 2011)

I wasn't keen on this one when it was elected to represent Ukraine, but then it has kept growing and growing and growing. Mika Newton is another one of these highly talented performers that Ukraine keeps sending to the ESC, and she makes it look easy to lift this ballad even further up the scale.

As for the gimmick of using the sand painting artist, it could have resulted in an embarrassing attempt of stuffing something visual into a performance where it doesn't belong (hello, Cyprus!) but the art and the song embrace each other and make the whole thing even better.

Still quite some way from the magic and wonder of Verka Serduchka, Ani Lorak or even Tina Karol, I still regard Ukraine as the best and most reliable country in Eurovision at the moment.

Whatever they send in, they also make sure it works before the final. Very well done.

My grade: 3 / 5

The 2011 review, part Six

Part six out of nine, reviewing all 43 entries of the 2011 Eurovision Song Contest in Düsseldorf, and we are going through the second semi final.

6. UKRAINE



Mika Newton - Angels (Ukraine 2011)

I have no idea just how they do it. Maybe they get special classes at school, maybe they have a secret button on their remote controls. But Ukraine has a fantastic ability of making their entries come to live when they have to.

Followers of this blog will know how unimpressed I was with the entire national selection in Ukraine, as it turned into a farce for the second year running. How I would have preferred another song, the one that actually recieved the larger number of votes. And here we stand with the song I had labelled as dull and pointless, and I have to admit that it is actually rather good.

Above all, Mika Newton is a sensational performer, the kind that seems to be growing out of each and every bush in Ukraine. Where do they find all these talented people? When she nails all the notes and fixes the camera with her eyes, this song could rise even further and the votes will flow in from all over. Again.

Qualifyer:
Yes. No doubt in my mind that this will look fantastic and sound great. Then you easily forget that the song is maybe not all that to start with.

My grade: 3/5

7. MOLDOVA



Zdob si Zdub - So Lucky (Moldova 2011)

Maybe it is something in the water? Or how do you otherwise explain the sense of sheer madness that often lives and thrives in the Moldovan entires? This is completely bonkers, hard to make head or tail of, and yet it is so entertaining.

Best described (perhaps) as an etno-punk version of Petula Clark's "Don't sleep in the subway" with a breathtaking instrumental break that sound remotely similar to the end of the world, this must be distinct enough to make it to the final. At least if good old Europe has any sense of humour.

Qualifyer:
Probably. It is a mess, but a very entertaining one.

My grade: 3/5

8. SWEDEN



Eric Saade - Popular (Sweden 2011)

Young master Saade had a bit of bad luck in the draw. Had he entered stage after the succession of Austria - Netherlands - Belgium - Slovakia - Ukraine, he would have seemed to young and potent and popstar-like that most viewers would have just fallen over and surrendered. Now Moldova steals his thunder a tiny bit, but that should constitute no large problem.

A much bigger problem is the fact that the song is so obviously aimed at the youngest segments of the audience. I believe the vast majority of the audience is older than seventeen, and they may not necessarily understand the greatness in this. I don't think the juries will swallow this with hook and all either, they could be looking for something slightly more sophisticated.

Qualifyer:
Yes. This snappy young pop singer will have enough fans to make it to the final rather easily. But then there is always the risk that he pulls a Perrelli there. Which, given Sweden's recent track record, wouldn't be so bad.

My grade: 3/5

9. CYPRUS



Christos Mylordos - San aggelos s'agapisa (Cyprus 2011)

In all fairness, I didn't fall head over heels when I heard this the first time. I thought it sounded like a reject from some local musical, but after repeated listenings and a very direct recommendation from a friend whose taste I respect, I found my way inside this pretty complicated construction of a song.

Once you get a grip on it, it is a delicate little piece of drama, sensibly performed by young Christos, whose soft voice really marries the entirety of this song. That won't help much, though. If I needed ten listenings, determined there was something to be found somewhere if I listened carefully enough, then hardly more than a fragment of the audience will find that certain something by accident.

Qualifyer:
No. But it is a pleasant praline for the precious few who will understand the craft.

My grade: 3/5

10. BULGARIA



Poli Genova - Na inat (Bulgaria 2011)

Many people claim that the second semi final is way stronger than the first, but I would not be so sure. Possibly these people are confused by the impressive amount of very distinct performers in this bunch. Poli Genova is another one of those really energetic and enigmatic young people who will just blow up in your face and leave you wondering who they are and why they are not on your screen more often.

Bulgaria's own P!nk has a song that is both demanding and accessible at the same time, but maybe the aggressive song will prove a bit too aggressive in the end.

Qualifyer:
Possibly. Bulgaria has had a hard time convincing Europe of their talent, despite putting on many impressive entries. This is running the risk of being another good Bulgarian effort left in the semis.

My grade: 3/5