If you see a sweet girl singing a forgettable ballad, then it is most probably the entry of Belgium.
Iris - Would You? (Belgium 2012)
Belgium has done this stunt so many times that I, for one, am losing track. Sending in solid singers with dull entries that nobody will ever vote for. Linda Lepomme, Ingeborg, Barbara Dex, Nathalie Sorce, Nuno Resende... The list is even longer, really.
The 2012 project started out really well: in an attempt of copying the success of Tom Dice in 2010, the record industry was asked to find a young, likeable talent that could be selected internally. So far, so good. Iris seemed like a good choice.
And then the poor girl is left with nothing to sing. She is given two remarkably disengaging songs to song on national television before the televoters decide for her to go to Baku with the arguably weaker of the two.
The eurofans were smitten by young Iris and her likeable persona, but it can not have been a real surprise to anyone when this entry failed to qualify. A dull song is a dull song, and a dull song seldom gets voted into the final.
Maybe one day even Belgian television will learn this.
My grade: 1/5
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Tobson Ranking: #41 Georgia
The boy has got conviction, I have to give him that.
Anri Jokhadze - I'm A Joker (Georgia 2012)
I have heard rumours that Georgian television would have a difficult time enthusing the bigger names of their national showbiz to enter Eurovision for them. This entry suggests that it would be time to do something about it, then. How about selecting a singer and a good song internally for next year?
This is such a complete anti-song, with too many different elements that clearly do not fit together. A little bit of opera, a little bit of glam rock, a little hint of musical and perhaps an air of Freddie Mercury? I'm not sure that latter would be all to pleased to be named in this context.
In Baku, however, I began to see it a bit differently. Anri is a born show man and not a bad singer. He is truly convinced of his ability and his confidence is quite contagious.
Up until a limit, though. Because, ultimately, this is a horrifically bad composition. You should not go to a song contest without a song. End of.
My grade: 0/5
Anri Jokhadze - I'm A Joker (Georgia 2012)
I have heard rumours that Georgian television would have a difficult time enthusing the bigger names of their national showbiz to enter Eurovision for them. This entry suggests that it would be time to do something about it, then. How about selecting a singer and a good song internally for next year?
This is such a complete anti-song, with too many different elements that clearly do not fit together. A little bit of opera, a little bit of glam rock, a little hint of musical and perhaps an air of Freddie Mercury? I'm not sure that latter would be all to pleased to be named in this context.
In Baku, however, I began to see it a bit differently. Anri is a born show man and not a bad singer. He is truly convinced of his ability and his confidence is quite contagious.
Up until a limit, though. Because, ultimately, this is a horrifically bad composition. You should not go to a song contest without a song. End of.
My grade: 0/5
Tobson Ranking: #42 San Marino
Growing old gracefully was never a Ralph Siegel thing to do. But I never thought he would go this low. Seriously.
Valentina Monetta - The Social Network Song (San Marino 2012)
I guess we should have seen it coming ever since he made Lou sing the infamous line "let's get happy and let's be gay" in Riga 2003. Ralph Siegel was always a man of speculation who happily exploited young talent and hopeful musicians in order to grab some attention.
Back in the day, at least, he would dress his performers up with a hit and the chance of going on in the business. He used to be good, Ralph. He has written and produced loads of really good songs, let's not forget about that.
But at some point, the whole thing just slipped through his fingers and these days he keeps knocking out truly bottom-of-the-league material of the kind he would never have touched with a long stick back in the day.
The Sammarinese entry of 2012 is bad, yes, but above all it is a very cynical and calculated attempt at cashing in on what Team Siegel considers "modern" and "edgy" themes. Mention the internet, namedrop a famous website, mention "cyber sex".
Cynical, calculated and without the slightest hint of warmth, intelligence or humour.
Poor Valentina Monetta, dressed up like a teenager despite knocking forty, is just a visitor in her own entry. You can almost see the panic in her eyes, maybe it dawned upon her - far too late - what a train wreck of an entry she is lending herself to?
My grade: 0/5
Valentina Monetta - The Social Network Song (San Marino 2012)
I guess we should have seen it coming ever since he made Lou sing the infamous line "let's get happy and let's be gay" in Riga 2003. Ralph Siegel was always a man of speculation who happily exploited young talent and hopeful musicians in order to grab some attention.
Back in the day, at least, he would dress his performers up with a hit and the chance of going on in the business. He used to be good, Ralph. He has written and produced loads of really good songs, let's not forget about that.
But at some point, the whole thing just slipped through his fingers and these days he keeps knocking out truly bottom-of-the-league material of the kind he would never have touched with a long stick back in the day.
The Sammarinese entry of 2012 is bad, yes, but above all it is a very cynical and calculated attempt at cashing in on what Team Siegel considers "modern" and "edgy" themes. Mention the internet, namedrop a famous website, mention "cyber sex".
Cynical, calculated and without the slightest hint of warmth, intelligence or humour.
Poor Valentina Monetta, dressed up like a teenager despite knocking forty, is just a visitor in her own entry. You can almost see the panic in her eyes, maybe it dawned upon her - far too late - what a train wreck of an entry she is lending herself to?
My grade: 0/5
ESC 2012: the official Tobson ranking
Just like last year, I will keep myself amused by ranking all the entries of this year's Eurovision Song Contest according to my own liking.
This is also pretty fair to the readers, I think. In the run-up for the contest, we put so much emphasis on how we think the songs will fare, what we think will work, what we think others will like...
But what do we really like ourselves in the end? Impressions change - a song you liked very much in the preview might fall flat live and affect your overall opinion. And the other way around.
So, here we go. Forty-two songs, forty-two posts. Brace yourselves and please comment when you agree, when you disagree or when you have something to add.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
ESC 2013: Malmö it is
I must admit that it came as a tiny bit of a surprise when Sveriges Television announced that the 2013 Eurovision Song Contest would be held in Malmö as I, pretty much like the rest of the world, was convinced that the selected venue would be the new Friends Arena in Stockholm.
But hey, welcome to Malmö!
When the news had sunk in, and you had time to think about it, the choice should only come as a moderate surprise. There are at least four good reasons for this decision.
Reason One:
Stockholm is hosting the Ice Hockey World Championships which, partially, occurs at the same time as Eurovision. This would put a strain on the availability of hotel rooms and it is - arguably - a bit silly to place to high profile events in the same city at the same time.
Reason Two:
There is more to Sweden than just Stockholm. The capital is the obvious choice, but why not shine a light on other parts of the country as well? I wouldn't mind Linköping as a future host city, for instance.
Reason Three:
Malmö needs the good publicity. For the last few years, Malmö has had loads of negative attention in the domestic press as a place with social and ethnic tension, which has also spilled over into international media. This is Malmö's time to shine.
Reason Four:
Surely one of the more important factors for SVT: the EBU wants a smaller Eurovision Song Contest. They stated in no uncertain terms that the ESC needs to grow smaller in the next years to come: smaller venues, smaller press facilities, fewer people with accreditation. All of this to keep it possible for smaller countries to host the contest in case of victory, but also for the sake of the image of the ESC: given the financial situation it is not credible to put as much money into the hosting as some recent host countries have.
Many fans have already (loudly) stated their discontent with the choice, but it should come in handy for most delegations to be able to easily promote their entries in two countries at the same time: host country Sweden as well as nearby Denmark.
It should be a win-win situation for most, then. Bring it on, Malmö - host city for the second time around.
Eurovision Song Contest 1992 Malmö - opening sequence
But hey, welcome to Malmö!
Reason One:
Stockholm is hosting the Ice Hockey World Championships which, partially, occurs at the same time as Eurovision. This would put a strain on the availability of hotel rooms and it is - arguably - a bit silly to place to high profile events in the same city at the same time.
Reason Two:
There is more to Sweden than just Stockholm. The capital is the obvious choice, but why not shine a light on other parts of the country as well? I wouldn't mind Linköping as a future host city, for instance.
Reason Three:
Malmö needs the good publicity. For the last few years, Malmö has had loads of negative attention in the domestic press as a place with social and ethnic tension, which has also spilled over into international media. This is Malmö's time to shine.
Reason Four:
Surely one of the more important factors for SVT: the EBU wants a smaller Eurovision Song Contest. They stated in no uncertain terms that the ESC needs to grow smaller in the next years to come: smaller venues, smaller press facilities, fewer people with accreditation. All of this to keep it possible for smaller countries to host the contest in case of victory, but also for the sake of the image of the ESC: given the financial situation it is not credible to put as much money into the hosting as some recent host countries have.
Many fans have already (loudly) stated their discontent with the choice, but it should come in handy for most delegations to be able to easily promote their entries in two countries at the same time: host country Sweden as well as nearby Denmark.
It should be a win-win situation for most, then. Bring it on, Malmö - host city for the second time around.
Eurovision Song Contest 1992 Malmö - opening sequence
Nul points: United Kingdom 2003
Today, as I was preparing breakfast, I took out the old compilation tape of the 2003 Eurovision from Riga. I think I bought it in Estonia, since we were going hiking with a friend who only had a cassette player - not a CD - in his car.
Anyhow.
It has been nine years from Riga, which means that the contest has gone through most of its ageing process already. Most of the songs have survived quite well, to be honest. Even the songs that used to annoy me for being too simple feels OK (Cyprus, for instance).
Even the big nul-pointer sounds quite good. On the day of the final I predicted that Ireland, Malta or the UK would be the nul-pointer of the year, but my jaw dropped when it actually happened.
The UK had always been unbeatable and whatever they sent in, they seemed to earn a bucket full of points, even when it didn't deserve much.
To start with, "Cry Baby" didn't even sound like a disaster entry. It had a clear hook, a useful handle, and it felt somehow more inspired than many other UK entries. Definitely a step up compared to Lindsay Dracass.
Even the preview felt OK. A bit anemic, but OK.
Jemini - Cry Baby (United Kingdom 2003 preview)
The real disaster started on location in Riga. Sending in an inexprienced act isn't necessarily a bad thing in itself - an artist in the making can use the experience to grow and make progress during the week - but Jemini seemed to have none of the qualities needed.
The final kiss of death came with the final performance: so out of tune it could make ears bleed, so over-excited it almost became awkward to watch. (The BBC delegation only made things worse by suggesting that the poor result was due to politics, as anyone with ears and eyes easily understood the real reasons.)
Still - the UK had always collected points in the past, also with dismal entries. But this time everyone made thumbs down. Nul points. The last nul pointer to date in a Eurovision final.
An important event, proving that nobody is safe in the new world of Eurovision. Everyone has to make an effort. A good point, indeed.
(And yet, Israel would have deserved last place even more in 2003. But that's a different story.)
Jemini - Cry Baby (United Kingdom 2003)
Anyhow.
It has been nine years from Riga, which means that the contest has gone through most of its ageing process already. Most of the songs have survived quite well, to be honest. Even the songs that used to annoy me for being too simple feels OK (Cyprus, for instance).
Even the big nul-pointer sounds quite good. On the day of the final I predicted that Ireland, Malta or the UK would be the nul-pointer of the year, but my jaw dropped when it actually happened.
The UK had always been unbeatable and whatever they sent in, they seemed to earn a bucket full of points, even when it didn't deserve much.
To start with, "Cry Baby" didn't even sound like a disaster entry. It had a clear hook, a useful handle, and it felt somehow more inspired than many other UK entries. Definitely a step up compared to Lindsay Dracass.
Even the preview felt OK. A bit anemic, but OK.
Jemini - Cry Baby (United Kingdom 2003 preview)
The real disaster started on location in Riga. Sending in an inexprienced act isn't necessarily a bad thing in itself - an artist in the making can use the experience to grow and make progress during the week - but Jemini seemed to have none of the qualities needed.
The final kiss of death came with the final performance: so out of tune it could make ears bleed, so over-excited it almost became awkward to watch. (The BBC delegation only made things worse by suggesting that the poor result was due to politics, as anyone with ears and eyes easily understood the real reasons.)
Still - the UK had always collected points in the past, also with dismal entries. But this time everyone made thumbs down. Nul points. The last nul pointer to date in a Eurovision final.
An important event, proving that nobody is safe in the new world of Eurovision. Everyone has to make an effort. A good point, indeed.
(And yet, Israel would have deserved last place even more in 2003. But that's a different story.)
Jemini - Cry Baby (United Kingdom 2003)
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Sweden is one of the Big Ones
Loreen virtually crushed all competition in the grand final in Baku and scored an almost Rybak-esque victory with "Euphoria". You all know this, of course. I am virtually warming the blog up again after my absence.
The victory, however, means that Sweden is back on the throne after thirteen years of yearning for the grand title. SVT has done their best to win the ESC, but despite having arguably the most ambitious of all national finals Sweden has struggled to make an impression.
At the same time, Swedish songwriters are being more successful than ever producing tracks for singers all over the world, making the national pop export one of the most impressive ones in the world. This was not least represented at this year's ESC where ten countries had Swedish songwriters - all of which made it to the final.
This fifth victory is only logical as it firmly places Sweden as one of the most successful countries in Eurovision. Equal to France and United Kingdom, only Ireland has won more times.
It would make sense now if Sweden decided to put in overdrive and start aiming for the top spot. "Euphoria" was an example of how easily everything can fall into place and come together - with some more songwriting as distinct and daring, it is a very possible prospect that Sweden will grow into being what France and the UK respectively were in the past: a veritable pop factory that collects top placings on a steady basis.
So are you ready, Sweden? I challenge you to have the record number of victories in ten years time. You need two more to equal the score, three more to be sole King of the Hill.
Having a hungry and determined Sweden hunting for victories year after year could do the contest lots of good, especially if the songs also have hit potential and inspire other countries to follow in the same tracks.
A lot of good can come out of this victory, indeed.
Loreen - Euphoria (Sweden 2012)
The victory, however, means that Sweden is back on the throne after thirteen years of yearning for the grand title. SVT has done their best to win the ESC, but despite having arguably the most ambitious of all national finals Sweden has struggled to make an impression.
At the same time, Swedish songwriters are being more successful than ever producing tracks for singers all over the world, making the national pop export one of the most impressive ones in the world. This was not least represented at this year's ESC where ten countries had Swedish songwriters - all of which made it to the final.
This fifth victory is only logical as it firmly places Sweden as one of the most successful countries in Eurovision. Equal to France and United Kingdom, only Ireland has won more times.
It would make sense now if Sweden decided to put in overdrive and start aiming for the top spot. "Euphoria" was an example of how easily everything can fall into place and come together - with some more songwriting as distinct and daring, it is a very possible prospect that Sweden will grow into being what France and the UK respectively were in the past: a veritable pop factory that collects top placings on a steady basis.
So are you ready, Sweden? I challenge you to have the record number of victories in ten years time. You need two more to equal the score, three more to be sole King of the Hill.
Having a hungry and determined Sweden hunting for victories year after year could do the contest lots of good, especially if the songs also have hit potential and inspire other countries to follow in the same tracks.
A lot of good can come out of this victory, indeed.
Loreen - Euphoria (Sweden 2012)
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