I wasn't exactly thrilled when I heard the rumours that Ralph Siegel had written the Sammarinese entry for Baku, as his recent attempts in various national finals have been, frankly, well below standard.
I thought I was prepared for the worst, but I could not never have imagined the kind of atrocity they had in store for us.
The song in itself is a bland, repetitive piece of nothingness that usually would not have qualified for a national semi final anywhere. It is performed with unbearably fake enthusiasm that would make the most plastic of performers seem sincere in comparison.
And then the lyrics. Full of embarrassing "sexual" innuendo, but basically some kind of advert for a new, exciting thing called... Facebook.
The whole thing is so foolish and soft-headed that I can't believe my eyes or my ears. It is allowed to be bad. It is allowed to be horrifically bad. But it is not allowed to go against the rule book.
No song is allowed to carry any political or commercial message, and this is nothing but a failed advert that probably not even Facebook would like to touch with a long stick.
My guess is that the EBU will not be pleased at all with this choice. And in the unlikely event that the EBU would give their green light, I think Siegel & co might hear from an armada of lawyers from the Facebook office.
What saddens me the most is that nobody involved - Sammarinese television, the chick that performs this cheesy number, nor Ralph Siegel himself - seems to have the tiniest drop of dignity anywhere in them.
How could anyone let this mockery of a song get as far as this?
Valentina Monetta - Facebook Uh Oh Oh (San Marino 2012)