Time to do something about the juries

Last night I tweeted how disappointing it was to see the juries do Finland dirty. Some people interpreted that as me being a bad loser (the eurovision online fans were always easy to rub the wrong way) but this goes back to something I have been saying for many years: the jury system needs to be reformed.

I repeat myself - just to be very clear - that this is not a case about Loreen. She was a well deserved winner if you ask me, even if the viewers at home largely disagreed.

To be perfectly clear: I don't want the juries gone. I am a big fan of juries and I support the idea that juries should reward things the televoting crowds could overlook on a first listen. But that's not what the juries are doing.

In recent years, time and time again the juries have punished edgy and creative entries and instead rewarded safer efforts instead. This problem is however far from new.

Ever since the current points system was introduced in 1975, the way the juries vote has one big flaw. When a group of people decide their points together, the winner will be a compromise. Instead of rewarding the most relevant och interesting songs, a jury is going to reward the songs that most people can agree upon and like at least a bit.

Everything that displeases one or several jurors - maybe for being too contemporary, for being too experimental, for being too commercial or even for not being "a suitable ESC entry" - will get punished in a jury system like this.

We have also seen many times how being part of a jury really can put people on the highest of horses: suddenly they refuse anything fun or lightweight or hit friendly in favour of more serious and "sophisticated" things. That's when a worldwide hit single like Gina G's "Ooh Aah Just A Little Bit" ends up with a disappointing 8th place.

The current formula of jurors ranking all the songs from first to last is not helping things. A full ranking of all the songs will inevitably become a bit arbitrary in the middle. Most people can easily identify their top favourites and the songs clearly placed at the bottom of their list. But the entries in between?

Say that a juror doesn't care for a specific song, it can still make a world of difference if they randomly place it 9th or if they randomly place it 21st.

I would like to see two major changes made to the jury system:

1. How the jurors are selected. 

These people impact the result in a big way, why are they the right people to do it? The jurors should be real professionals that don't just know music - they should also be able to read the room, pick up on what feels exciting and vibrant and also judge entries on the correct merits. (Not all entries should be judged on pitch perfect vocals, for instance, unless perfect vocals are the selling point of the entry.) I want to see less "friends of the delegations" and more people from outside the ESC bubble do the job.

2. How the jurors vote. 

I would like to remove - as far as possible - the chance for individual jurors to vote down anything they don't like. I want the jurors to vote FOR songs they like, not AGAINST things they don't get. I even have an idea how that could be possible but let's save that for another day. 

I also want full transparency of how individual jurors voted, I find that essential in order to maintain the good name of the contest.

I think the current split 50/50 between jury and televote makes for great television, so I wouldn't want to change that. I just think we have the right to expect more bravery from the jurors. If not, what is the point in having them?

Last night, the entry that won the televote in eighteen countries got nul points from no less than fourteen juries. That really isn't a feather in the hat for the current system. It needs a change and it needs it now.

Screenshot from Wikipedia

ESC 2023: a few quick thoughts about the result

The final is over and the big favourite Loreen won. It's a sensational victory in many ways: Loreen is only the second main performer ever to win twice and Sweden now equals Ireland's record of seven victories.

Make no mistake: Loreen is a very deserved winner. Winning once is very hard, winning twice is as good as impossible. To be The Thing twice is really out of this world.

We know for sure that SVT will give us a terrific final next year. We know they can do it. They have done it many times before.

Finland ended in an equally sensational second place. To think that a weird and experimental song in Finnish - performed by a rapper, not a singer - could get so close to winning the ESC is really wild and extraordinary.

However, it is hard not to feel just a bit disappointed. Not because Finland didn't win but because of the way Finland didn't win. The juries really did Käärijä dirty. Fourteen juries giving nul points to "Cha Cha Cha" really feels like a slap on the face.

Some day soon - maybe already tomorrow - I will write a post on why the current jury system is long past its expiry date and needs a complete overhaul.

As for the last place - I know I predicted Poland but also wrote a comment on Facebook how it would make more sense to predict the UK or Germany. Oh dear.

Anyway, congratulations to Queen Loreen. And in almost every way Finland won too. So congratulations to us all!

ESC 2023: Tobson takes a final guess

Usually it is so hard to write this final prediction for the final but this year it feels really easy.

You see, I have dual citizenship so I am going to win tonight. Finland vs Sweden. I honestly can't see any other ending to this year than a battle between those two.

In one corner we have Sweden, making a bold move by entering not only a former winner but an ESC monument in the shape of Loreen. An artist who shaped the idea of what an ESC entry could be like for years after her victory.

"Tattoo" is nowhere near as groundbreaking as "Euphoria" was but is still a devastatingly well written pop gem with an excellent hook and a terrific soundscape. Loreen would be a well deserved double winner.

My only problem with Sweden winning is that Melodifestivalen isn't really in brilliant shape at the moment. "Tattoo" was very much alone in the line-up, surrounded by pretty basic songs written by a small pool of people seemingly determined to write many songs instead of shaping a few songs into perfection.

In the other corner, there is Finland. The incredible story of a complete underdog that miraculously found a liberal dose of self-confidence and turned its depressing national final into a bubbly hit factory full of great ideas and new talent.

But can we be so sure it will only be about those two? Isn't there anyone else who could emerge a surprise winner? France could. Italy could. 

If the old world order breaks down, even Spain could possibly win and take revenge for all locally flavoured songs that were ignored through the years. 

But seriously. No. It's Finland or Sweden. Maybe there could be a surprise jury winner - think North Macedonia 2019 - but in the end Finland or Sweden will battle it out.

Who will it be, then? I do think Loreen has the upper hand and is the more likely winner. But I would never forgive myself if Finland won and I hadn't predicted it. So my final bet is Finland.

My attempt att predicting the top 26 looks like this: 01. Finland, 02. Sweden, 03. Italy, 04. France, 05. Belgium, 06. Slovenia, 07. Ukraine, 08. Australia, 09. Lithuania, 10. Spain, 11. Norway, 12. Portugal, 13. Czechia, 14. Austria, 15. Israel, 16. Estonia, 17. Armenia, 18. Moldova, 19. Serbia, 20. United Kingdom, 21. Croatia, 22. Albania, 23. Cyprus, 24. Germany, 25. Switzerland, 26. Poland.

This is such a shot a dark, most of this prediction is happy guessing. Most it apart from the top two. (Note how my prediction would also give Flanders and Slovenia their best results ever.)

Have a fun night and see you on the other side. Or on Twitter, feel free to join the fun also there.

Follow @TobsonHelsinki

ESC 2023: what the final looks like from here

As every year, the ESC week is really intense. Suddenly we find ourselves with 26 finalists and a correct running order and even though we lived with these songs all season it suddenly feels like everything is suddenly thrown in the air and exciting and new.

At least to a limit. All season we had two songs that are clearly the universal favourites to win and that has not changed during the week.

This is my quick guide to the final with modified grades after seeing all songs in action on stage.

01. AUSTRIA

In theory a logical opener but this fan favourite had a difficult transition onto stage where it became surprisingly static. Also a victim of a bad trend in recent year where directors pack as many camera cuts as possible into their three minutes but forget to establish any sort of contact between the performers and their audience.

Grade: 3/5

02. PORTUGAL

In a largely functioning running order, this stands out as a huge question mark. Portugal is warm and vibrant and could easily have inserted some temper into the show, so why dump it in the number two spot? Between two other songs that are also very red? Mimicat seemed a little bit tired in the semi final but still showed a professionalism that reminded me of Monika Liu. I still think this could do reasonably well in the end.

Grade: 4/5

03. SWITZERLAND

A weak song remarkably elevated by a talented singer and a clever staging. It worked so far but now the competition is way more difficult and this first ballad of the night will struggle.

Grade: 1/5

04. POLAND

Little more than a dumb beach ditty but that is not necessarily something to be sniffed at. Doesn't take itself as seriously as some others in this lineup but should not expect any jury love.

Grade: 2/5

05. SERBIA

For the second consecutive year, Serbia is the arthouse of the final. Experimental and interesting but also dark and messy. Would need an extra gear to improve on stage.

Grade: 2/5

06. FRANCE

Sophisticated and well performed, with more than a touch of class. Could easily turn stiff but could also become the song the jury suddenly throws it highest marks at. 

Grade: 3/5

07. CYPRUS

Same as Switzerland: interesting singer meets flat and uninspired song that is also a tiny bit too demanding for said performer to fully pull off. Then the best arms in the line-up won't help.

Grade: 1/5

08. SPAIN

The big divide of the year. Is this fantastic or horrific, a hit or a miss? Or a bit of both? I really like what they attempt to do, Blanca Paloma is great and the staging is impressive but the song never goes anywhere. Instead it tries to compensate with intensity and volume and in the end listening to it feels like standing under a waterfall. Will get high points from some juries but I doubt very much this will be a big favourite with the average televoter, especially given what comes right after.

Grade: 2/5

09. SWEDEN

Loreen still knows how to put on a remarkable show. Even if "Tattoo" is nowhere near as groundbreaking as "Euphoria" was, it is still a quality song through and through. The most likely jury winner.

Grade: 5/5

10. ALBANIA

The biggest surprise among the semi final qualifiers in my book. Well sung, well staged and with an abundance of pathos. Will end up where Albanian entries tend to end up in the final.

Grade: 2/5

11. ITALY

The best singer in the lineup, performing a devastatingly captivating and well-crafted song with a rare presence and emotion. Must have a chance of being in the top five but inexplicably juries tend to be surprisingly cold towards Italian quality.

Grade: 5/5

12. ESTONIA

One of the strongest female vocalists of the year comes right after Marco Mengoni and it is puzzling how they put these two songs neck to neck, almost like the producer wanted them to steal points off each other. 

Grade: 3/5

13. FINLAND

The best staging of the year, genius from beginning to end. Käärijä delivers (even when he gets a bit out of breath by the end) and so do his brilliant dancers. Catchy and bonkers in equal measure. The most likely televote winner.

Grade: 5/5

14. CZECHIA

Time to take a little moment to breathe after Finland. Czechia does a good job - even if the identical outfits and general church vibe can get a bit much - but doesn't feel at all like a contender anymore. Also visibly relies heavily on pre-recorded vocals in a way that could annoy jury members and viewers alike.

Grade: 3/5

15. AUSTRALIA

80's rock with everything on it. It is a bit much but also totally shameless in a pretty liberating way. An extra gold star for the remarkable guitar solo played by Simone Dow.

Grade: 3/5

16. BELGIUM

A real happy pill and one of the most urgent messages of the year as lgbtiq-people again find themselves under attack, not least in this year's host country, the UK. Excellent vocals and a fitting tribute to club culture. A dark horse and possible surprise in the making.

Grade: 3/5

17. ARMENIA

A very pretty song but unfortunately another stage show where more attention have been paid to special effects and special lighting than to create any sort of camera contact. That could cost Brunette a top ten placing in the end, but at least she has the most graceful dance break of the evening.

Grade: 3/5

18. MOLDOVA

Folksy and fun. Pasha is still a terrific presence and this will have its fans, but the whole thing does get a bit too repetitive by the end. Could have needed some sort of breakdown at some point.

Grade: 2/5

19. UKRAINE

Many high expectations are placed on this entry - of course since you can almost never count Ukraine out - but is it just me or does it never fully take off? Will get a solid placing in the end but nowhere near a top three finish.

Grade: 3/5

20. NORWAY

This hot favourite suddenly feels surprisingly cold. It has not turned bad since Tuesday but suddenly there is no buzz around Alessandra anymore. I still think this one is headed for a generous score from the viewers in the end.

Grade: 3/5

21. GERMANY

For a long time, I thought Germany got it right and would have a shot at the top ten at least. But something about this song never clicks into place. Impeccably produced but the chorus falls flat. 

Grade: 2/5

22. LITHUANIA

With so many pre-recorded backing vocals it is a relief to finally see some backing vocalists in action on stage (even if also their singing has been enhanced on the tape) and Monika really elevates this several levels live on stage. Could be a surprise top ten finish if she's lucky.

Grade: 3/5

23. ISRAEL

Wants to be bubbly and youthful but ends up cold and calculating. Not even that hyped-up dance break is particularly impressive. Will have fans and receive some solid scores from here and there, but not a fave in this household.

Grade: 2/5

24. SLOVENIA

The last really warm-rather-than-slick entry in this lineup. Catchy and extremely easy to like. Slovenia has every chance in the world of getting their best placing ever this year.

Grade: 3/5

25. CROATIA

I honestly have no idea what to expect. Terribly out of sync on Tuesday and could well be on zero points after the jury vote. What will the viewers make of this?

Grade: 2/5

26. UNITED KINGDOM

A really fun album track that - similarly to Austria that opened the line-up - had problems translating itself onto stage. Mae Muller is a bit too insecure on stage. Juries can forgive an uneasy appearance or wobbly vocals but rarely they forgive both. But there will also be a thunderous reception to this in the arena.

Grade: 3/5

I save my final prediction for a bit later but I can promise you it will be worth the effort to sit through this final. With a bit of luck it will also end up a big thriller before we can crown out winner.

ESC 2024: Hello there, Lëtzebuerg

Today we were greeted by the news I never thought would drop but now it is official. Luxembourg is making a big comeback to the Eurovision Song Contest in 2024.

This is clearly the ESC equivalent of Abba revealing they would release a new album after 40 years.

Five-time winners Luxembourg made their last appearance to date in Millstreet 1993 and have not been seen or heard since. For many years, they were a consistently interesting participant that heavily employed talent from other countries but before their departure they had a string of lackluster placings, usually with local performers instead.

1993 was a very different world so what kind of Luxembourg can we look forward to next year? I see three possible scenarios.

1. Local Luxembourg

This would mean acting like a showcase for singers and songwriters from the Grand Duchy itself. Not a huge talent pool to choose from but in today's media climate, Luxembourgish acts would be better prepared for the international heat then they were back in the early 90's. With a good home studio, your songs can sound as good and impressive regardless where in the world you are from.

2. Luxembourg and Surroundings

Being a small country, Luxembourg automatically gets a lot of influence from their neighbour countries. They could establish themselves as a platform also for artists from Germany, Netherlands, Belgium and France that would like to be seen on the ESC stage but for some reason do not want to enter (or do not fit into) their own country's selection process. This wouldn't rule out the occasional home-grown entry whenever something strong enough would be on offer.

3. RTL Group Luxembourg

RTL Group - with its head quarters in Luxembourg - is one of Europe's largest and most successful broadcasters and in their own words "a leading entertainment company". Why not let all the international branches of RTL look for potential talent in their territories to find a joint candidate to be promoted across their enormous platform? Also this modus would in no way rule out the odd Luxembourgois act going to the ESC now and then.

Regardless of the path they will chose, I hope Luxembourg will be in it to win it with a determination to launch great hit songs like they used to do back in the day.

I also hope Monaco's new public service broadcaster TV Monaco will be up and running according to schedule as they have a budget allocated for re-joining the ESC as well. The thought of possibly having Luxembourg and Monaco back the same year is making my tired old heart sing.

ESC 2023, semi 2: what about the songs that left us?

All the envelopes have been opened and the line-up for the 2023 Eurovision final is complete. We'll get back to the finalists, but let's spend a moment contemplating the songs that were voted off the island tonight.

I did a terrible job predicting the finalists - I only got seven correct out of ten - but maybe it's not all my fault. It was an even field and the outcome was destined to be a bit arbitrary. Plus Europe made some odd choices. It's not me, it's you.

Anyway, the entries gone with the wind are:

ROMANIA. I have no idea what they thought they were doing but they sure worked hard to achieve it. The visuals were better than in the national final but nothing else was. Mystifying. Maybe Romania should give internal selection a go next year?

SAN MARINO is a little gem of sorts, a clunky schlager rocker with a shouty finish. Doomed from the word go but also entertaining in a way you wouldn't want to miss out on. I hope they don't give up on their national final for next year, all they need are better jurors.

Many spent the whole season thinking GEORGIA had it in the bag but when it mattered all the wild drama turned static and not particularly engaging. Only a minor surprise to see it drop out in the end.

ICELAND had showed great energy and a fresh approach to performing but the song never spoke to me. Few things jive less than a performer super excited about a song that is meh at best.

DENMARK went for an unusually contemporary sound for being them, a shame that didn't pay off. But while Reiley is an adorable personality he doesn't have the voice or the stage presence needed to carry a song by himself.

Finally my heart is bleeding a bit for Victor Vernicos from GREECE, who is really gifted but had the misfortune of getting chosen too soon. Had he been given two or three more years to grow and develop he could have been a Greek Paradise Oskar. I hope somebody gives him a hug and reminds him what a talent he is and that there's still a future in music for him. There must be.

I wasn't really surprised by Cyprus qualifying but Albania made my face grow long. Not to mention Poland. But more about them in time for the final where we could be heading for an epic battle of Sweden vs Finland. 

ESC 2023, semi 2: Tobson takes a guess

Let's be frank and not beat around the bush: Tuesday's semi was an awful lot stronger than the one we are offered today. Indisputable fact.

Isn't it a shame that the two semi finals turn out so uneven in quality? It really is. 

Is there something that could be done about that? That's a hard no.

The producers already have so much power in sequencing the running order. If they were also to divide the contestants into semi finals - based on such fluid criteria as what is a good song or not - then we would find ourselves on thin ice. Leave at least a few things to chance also in the future.

It's not like you won't be entertained tonight. There will be good songs and stuff to enjoy, but there is no potential Saturday night winner in sight. 

The biggest problem trying to predict these songs are that they are in many cases very similar in quality and therefore interchangeable. What people at home will vote for in the end is anybody's guess. What you are reading right now is my guess and it reads as follows:

I'd say AUSTRIA, AUSTRALIA and SLOVENIA are certain qualifiers. I think I dare count BELGIUM into this group since it is very distinct in regards to both sound and vision. 

Then there are the girls with ballads. LITHUANIA should sail through easily. It is maybe a bit square in its studio recording but lives and breathes on stage. Having a backing group obviously singing live is also an advantage in this year of extensively used pre-recorded backing vocals. ESTONIA should go through on vocal talent and intensity but you can never be totally sure.

ARMENIA and GEORGIA both have a somewhat artsy approach. Quality entries but are they accessible enough on a first listen? ALBANIA is basically Family Feud interpreted through song but will there be too much pathos at once?

DENMARK has a radio friendly song that sounds great in your headphones but will they manage to keep it interesting for three minutes on stage? CYPRUS raises similar questions as he is more interesting than the song he's been set up with. GREECE has a talented teenager whose future should be bright but who was possibly sent into the international limelight a bit too soon. I hope fate is kind to Victor Vernicos tonight.

ICELAND has great energy but unfortunately has a pretty weak composition. So does POLAND but this kind of dumb summer staple has an annoying habit of hitting home sometimes.

SAN MARINO and ROMANIA both give us some sort of rock vibe, but to no avail. Both songs feel unfinished (for want of a better word) and should pass the voters by.

Based on this, my guess is that the following ten songs will qualify tonight: Denmark, Armenia, Estonia, Belgium, Greece, Slovenia, Georgia, Austria, Lithuania and Australia. 

Out: Romania, Cyprus, Iceland, Poland, San Marino and Albania.

On Tuesday, I predicted eight out of ten qualifiers which is in no way extraordinary. I could get even less tonight: suddenly Cyprus hits a nerve (never underestimate eyes as pretty as his), Albania breaks through (never mess with an emotional Albanian family) or Poland finds the right key (unlikely but still) and then I stand there corrected.

As always I will hang out on Twitter, feel free to call me out on my prediction shortcomings over there.

Follow @TobsonHelsinki

Cha Cha Cha in a nutshell

Record artwork copyright belongs to Warner Music Finland

"Finland's entry is about how great it is to drink a lot of alcohol." I've seen quite a few comments like this already and I suppose it's not entirely wrong. But it's also a really shallow reading of the lyrics.

In case you don't know the story, this is the setup: a typical Finnish man walks into a bar after a long, heavy, stressful week. He is really rather aggressive and just wants to drink and forget. The dance floor is calling out for him but he stays on his chair, drinking heavily.

And then suddenly something snaps. All the rage melts away, he feels liberated and happy, showering himself in champagne he storms the floor and brings the ugliest moves possible, no longer afraid of the world.

"On a regular day this is not who I am. But today I am that man and I'm going dancing."

Traditionally, Finnish culture has not really allowed a space for men to show emotion or do things like dancing. A real man is strong and quiet and aggressive.

"Cha Cha Cha" is less about drinking yourself to oblivion and more a critique of a society that makes us feel angry and aggressive and forces us to drink before we can express who we really are. A song about toxic masculinity and repressive stereotypical expectations.

Honestly, this guy's true colours shine through at once. Piña colada is hardly the drink of choice of the manliest of men, is it?

Just like some people just refused to believe there was a deeper meaning behind Verka Serduchka back in 2007, there is a similar feeling here. That you couldn't enjoy Käärijä fully if there was more to it than a fun party vibe.

Of course it is a fun party vibe, too. Above all it is a really fun and extraordinary song. Having a deeper meaning just elevates it further.

At the same time in Finland, everyone is going bananas over Käärija, Cha Cha Cha and Eurovision. Regardless of the result on Saturday, we have already won. This is a week the Finnish audience will never forget.

ESC 2023, semi 1: what about the songs that left us?

The first semi final is over, we have ten new songs for Saturday and much more of an idea what this year's final could shape up to be. A few surprises because there had to be: there were more than ten songs tonight that would have deserved to qualify.

In my own prediction I got 8 out of 10 finalists correct and I have to be pleased with that. There were a bunch of songs that felt like they were drawing lots for who would proceed and who would flunk.

MALTA is my biggest disappointment. The band put up great energy and I find that saxophone hook really catchy. What a shame it didn't pay off to go for a song written by domestic songwriters, I really hope they won't go back to buying C-level Melodifestivalen rejects in coming years. Maltese songwriters deserve this chance to show off their craft abroad.

I'm equally sad about LATVIA. This was a quality entry performed in good voice and - at least by the end - pretty decent camera contact. I'm not really sure why Latvia keeps getting it wrong or what they should try for next year. Would it be time to do an internal selection and see if that would pay off better.

IRELAND deserved every inch of their NQ, I'm afraid. A very square and formulaic tune performed with zero conviction by a singer who couldn't even be bothered to pretend to sing the high notes.

AZERBAIJAN fills me with very conflicting feelings. Again I would have wanted to like it when they finally went for a local product again at long last. But while the boys were charming, their song was nowhere near strong enough. Every time it threatened to go somewhere it would stop and start over.

The NETHERLANDS had a very pretty song but already during the performance I know it was Game Over. While the duo hit their notes better than they had in the lead-up to the contest, they still seemed deeply insecure and it was anything but pleasant to watch and listen. 

As for the show, the BBC put on a really good show where great attention had been paid to graphics, inserts, interval acts and postcards. It all looked fantastic on my tv. However - and I will have to watch again before using too big words here - I'm not sure the directing of the entries was always the best possible. 

I'm also pleased how present Ukraine was in every heartbeat during the show, that was very well executed all throughout.

Time for bed - on Thursday we find ourselves another ten finalists.

ESC 2023, semi 1: Tobson takes a guess

It never gets easier, does it? You'd think that watching five-hundred years of Eurovision would at some point turn prediction into a piece of cake but that's where you are wrong. You can never fully know how the winds will blow at that final, crucial moment when everything is decided.

This year, there are also two major factors there to make prediction even harder (even though nobody needed it to be harder than it already was).

First thing: the juries are gone and will not be back until the final. Tonight the viewers are completely in charge of who gets the ticket for the final or not. It is easy to think that would favour simple songs with instant appeal but in recent years, the viewers often gravitated towards more demanding entries - far more so than the juries.

Second thing: it is always harder to predict a semi final with fewer songs.

Every year there is always one or two songs that turns out to have placed a lot better than anyone expected - maybe 12th in the semi instead of second last. When you only have fifteen entries, that unexpected support could suddenly mean a tenth place and a spot in the final. Tiny marginal coincidences could decide more than a few finalists tonight.

Tonight there is also a third thing, really. This is a very strong semi final and more than ten songs would deserve to qualify. It's unfortunate we will lose something good tonight and instead get a few fillers on Thursday.

So, who will it be? I am totally convinced that NORWAY, PORTUGAL, SWEDEN and FINLAND are in. ISRAEL is more of a show than a good song but will surely make the cut too. Then we head into question mark territory.

AZERBAIJAN has a breezy, Beatles-esque feel to it but remains the country's weakest effort to date. IRELAND suddenly has fans but the song must be too formulaic and tired in the end. SWITZERLAND is weak but has a polished performance and a good vocalist. I would leave all three out but am no longer as sure as I was.

The NETHERLANDS has a great song but dubious vocals, if they get it wrong tonight they're out. CZECHIA sounds great in studio but could turn into just another entry if they have bad luck. MOLDOVA is very much doing their own thing, I think they are in but the whole thing gets a bit repetitive before it is over.

CROATIA is the mad one, the one you'd think a viewing audience would swallow whole. But is it too messy? And will lovers of the weird find themselves rooting for Finland in the end?

Then it is my darlings MALTA, SERBIA and LATVIA. I want them all in the final but can see them all fail. Latvia is an excellent but demanding piece of music but I fear they will be the best song left in the semi (again). I thought Serbia were safe but it seems to pass over a lot of heads I thought would love it. But I can't be the only one hooked on Malta's sunny and playful saxophone beat?

Given all these circumstances, the ten finalists will be: Norway, Malta, Portugal, Croatia, Israel, Moldova, Sweden, Czechia, Netherlands and Finland.

Out: Serbia, Latvia, Ireland, Switzerland, Azerbaijan.

This is all impossible anyway, isn't it? I wish you could all see my face melt tonight when Ireland is the first qualifier they call out. 

I hope I am wrong about Serbia and Latvia (but not at any cost, mind you). I will tweet my way through the whole thing, so maybe I see you there.

Follow @TobsonHelsinki

Tearing up the rulebook

I can't remember the year anymore and I haven't found any trustworthy source on when it happened and it is annoying the life out of me, but anyway. Sometime in the mid 00's, the EBU added a new rule that said no entries in the ESC could include political or commercial messages. The same text also stated how no entry was allowed to bring the contest into disrepute.

A very vague paragraph indeed - written like that on purpose - so that it could be applied whenever it seemed proper and ignored whenever there was a reason to do so.

For instance, Australia were allowed to mention the FaceTime app once in 2016 while San Marino was not allowed to repeat "Facebook" thirty times back in 2012. I'm onboard with that.

The "no politics"-rule came in handy in 2009, as the EBU suspected Georgia's entry - the funky disco stomper "We Don't Wanna Put In" - might hold some level of political messaging. (They were not wrong, you know.)

Anyhow, the EBU did not want this entry performed in Moscow and told Georgia they could either change the lyrics or stay home. The Georgian broadcaster opted for the latter alternative.

After that one occasion, the EBU has been very reluctant to play the politics card and for instance let "1944" pass - easily one of the most political entries ever. 

"No political messages" had turned into a rubber paragraph: very flexible and more of a subtle threat than anything else. Then came the 2022 war in Ukraine, Russia was thrown out of the EBU and for the 2023 edition we stand here with a number of songs containing references to this war (or war in general).

Croatia is easily the entry pushing the envelope the furthest. It's not even a question of interpretation, the band themselves have stated how the song is about dictators and more precisely about Lukashenko buying Putin a tractor as a birthday gift. The lyrics also calls said dictators "psychopaths". 

This is very clearly a case of a highly political message. If you paid attention to the beginning of this blog post, you will know that the EBU has a rule that prohibits all kinds of political messages in the Eurovision Song Contest. But the Croatian entry was still given the green light.

Personally, I think the Croatian dad punk rockers give us a refreshing moment but they also lampshade how toothless this "no politics"-rule really is. Why wasn't it applied here? 

Maybe because other countries have similar messages, presented in subtler ways. Czechia obviously sing about the same thing, Switzerland does too (in an annoyingly general way, but still). Latvia is possibly alluding to it as well between the lines. If the EBU employed its famous rule, then they would have to police what expression is acceptable and what isn't. I see why that would be problematic.

Maybe it is because the bottom line of protesting the war in Ukraine (as well as violent regimes) is not a controversial stance to take. But if the rule reads "no political messages unless it is one we can agree with or doesn't create inconvenience for us", then that is even more problematic.

Who should be the judge of what political message is acceptable or not? That sounds like a very slippery slope to me.

My suggestion would be to revise the rule for upcoming contests. Cut everything about forbidden messages out but keep that one central thing: "No entry may bring the contest into disrepute and the reference group alone will decide for each individual case what that means." That would be more honest at least. Different years and different circumstances could demand different levels of scrutiny. 

There is absolutely no point in keeping a rule that obviously means nothing and that nobody has to pay attention to anyway.

Tobson speaks up: ESC 2023, the finalists

More than a few times since 2008 - when the semi final formula changed and the pre-qualified finalists consisted solely of the host nation and the Big Four/Five - writing the last part of your Eurovision reviews was a bit painful.

For many years, most of the Bigs made absolutely zero effort and would come up with entries destined to crash and burn and the very bottom of the result. Almost all interesting songs would appear in the semi finals and leave the chapter on the finalists dull and dry.

Luckily, in later years things have improved. Last year, Italy was the host country while the UK and Spain both ended up in the top three. France was a bit of a surprise flop and only Germany was a truly predictable failure.

So - how do the six pre-qualified songs measure up this year? Well... like this.

FRANCE La Zarra / Évidemment

For the second time in only six years, France scrapped its national final format in favour of an internal selection and gave the ticket directly to La Zarra. She cooked up a number that starts out like a dramatic chanson before developing a beat, turning into more of a pop entry with some very French touches to it. Sounds fresh but also works better on repeat listenings, which could be a bit of a problem in a televote. Possibly a jury darling and if so, a top five finish could be within reach.

Grade: 4/5

GERMANY Lord of the Lost / Blood & Glitter

Finally Germany has left the dull concept of streamlined, inoffensive "radio friendly" songs that nobody votes for behind in favour of some good old metal. Rock often hits home pretty well with ESC audiences and while this doesn't really bring anything new or innovate to the table, there is personality, temper and a hooky chorus on offer. 

Grade: 3/5

ITALY Marco Mengoni / Due vite

Every year there is at least one song that should count as a big favourite but that somehow seems to fly under everybody's radar. This year, that song is obviously Italy's massive pop ballad, masterfully performed by the remarkable stage presence of Marco Mengoni. This absolutely should and must score well but has seemingly no buzz in the predictions. Maybe people have an appetite for something other than Italian craft this time around.

Grade: 5/5

SPAIN Blanca Paloma / Eaea

This is obviously the part where my comments section could explode but I have to be honest and honestly this entry is not my cup of tea at all. Blanca Paloma is an excellent singer and I have found her live executions interesting to watch, but when the single starts to play in my headphones I find it exhausting to listen to. Songs can do well at the ESC even when I don't fancy them - it happens regularly - but while I expect a fair share of jury points as a reward for good vocals, I doubt this entry will exercise any major mass appeal on your average viewer. If this places better than 10th or so, it will come as a real surprise to me. 

Grade: 2/5

19. UKRAINE Tvorchi / Heart of Steel

Last year's winner enters something musically totally different and - as always - served up in a slick and professional fashion. A less obvious points magnet this time around but still very likely to do really well, not least because people will look out for Ukraine and pay attention to whatever they have on offer.

Grade: 3/5

26. UNITED KINGDOM Mae Muller / I Wrote A Song

Last year's second place clearly gave the UK a large chunk of their old confidence back and it is not unlikely that the audience reaction to Mae Muller will blow the roof off the arena in Liverpool. That could definitely be an advantage - remember Denmark 2001 - not least since various reports from various fan events suggest that the UK entrant hasn't hit all her notes brilliantly so far. That is a problem for later - as a single, I find this captivating, contemporary, fun and catchy. 

Grade: 4/5

There is nothing to predict here as all of these songs are already in the final, but if I ranked them in my personal order of preference in their current pre-live show versions it would be: Italy, United Kingdom, France, Germany, Ukraine and Spain. 

Feel free to check out my views on semi one and semi two as well. 

Tobson speaks up: ESC 2023, semi 2

After dipping my nose into the first semi it is time to move on and see what the sixteen songs of the second semi are like. Will it be an equally hard battle to conquer one of the ten available spots in the final on a Thursday night?

These are my personal opinions as well as my highly personal pick of ten finalists.

01. DENMARK Reiley / Breaking My Heart
A logical choice to open the second semi. Almost shockingly contemporary and chart-friendly for being a Danish entry, it will possibly suffer from being designed for radio and streaming and subsequently not really including a lot of build-up or dynamic - it goes on and then it ends. Another question mark is if Reiley - who is otherwise charming and likeable - will be able to keep this interesting for three minutes.

Grade: 3/5

02. ARMENIA Brunette / Future Lover

Starts in a quirky and almost absent-minded way, almost as if the performer was talking to herself rather than singing on a stage, before turning into a full-blown orchestral drama ending in an intense chorus in Armenian. A peculiar choice for the number two slot but an original, high-quality song that maybe wants to be a bit more special than it really is.

Grade: 3/5

03. ROMANIA Theodor Andrei / D.G.T (Off And On)

Where do I begin? This songs has a few little hooky things going on but altogether it doesn't feel complete or fully finished. Someone would have needed to clean this track up and give it some overall polish. Also don't get me started on the visual choices made for the national final. I'm thinking maybe Romania should try internal selection for a year or two and see if they could come up with something better.

Grade: 1/5

04. ESTONIA Alika / Bridges

Another very dramatic ballad by another skilled performer: just what you'd expect from a modern day Big Eurosong but with a certain freshness. Perhaps not unforgettable but should easily impress enough viewers to make it through.

Grade: 3/5

05. BELGIUM Gustaph / Because Of You

I must admit I got this entirely wrong on a first listen and discarded it as a bit of jokey nonsense when it's in fact a rather fabulous throwback to 90's club culture. Pure joy and excellent vocals. Given Gustaph is also the first really happy pill of the evening, I doubt very much the viewers would make the same mistake as I did.

Grade: 3/5

06. CYPRUS Andrew Lambrou / Break A Broken Heart

In a really puzzling move, Cyprus hired a singer/songwriter all the way from Australia to do the job for them. But they wouldn't let him write his own song and set him up with one of those typical anonymous "written-for-Eurovision" kind of ditties. Not bad but oddly forgettable. Will need a firestorm of a performance in order to hit home.

Grade: 2/5

07. ICELAND Diljá / Power

I like a lot of things here: I like Diljá, I like her raw energy on stage and her attitude towards performing, I like some of the ideas in this arrangement. And yet - oddly enough - the final package does very little for me. I feel nothing when listening to it and often forget it exists. Strange.

Grade: 2/5

08. GREECE Victor Vernicos / What They Say

A really talented teen who wrote, recorded and produced his own entry. Very impressive but I can't help thinking it would have been better to let Victor wait a year or two before getting shipped off to the big time. The song is a bit clunky but in a charming way and seeing this youngster in action is touching but will it be enough?

Grade: 2/5

09. POLAND Blanka / Solo

This reminds me of any of the Real Housewives installments where one of the participants gets bored and thinks you can do a pop career as a hobby on the side without really making any sort of effort. "Solo" is your average fun and stupid beach ditty - nothing wrong with that - but Blanka's performance was almost breathtakingly lazy with zero investment. Will be a classic for years to come but if there's any justice in the world, this will crash and burn.

Grade: 1/5

10. SLOVENIA Joker Out / Carpe Diem

After a number of wobblier efforts, Slovenia's boy band will have Europe eating out of their hands. This is funny, catchy and engaging and again we get proof how singing in your own language is an easy way of making your song stand out as more personable. Slovenia's best chance of a top ten finish in many years.

Grade: 3/5

11. GEORGIA Iru / Echo

This year's art installation is bursting full of eccentric ideas and an abundance of oddities, all performed in fine voice and with a great deal of conviction. Is it good? Hard to say, but I think it is. Does it stand out? Indeed it does. 

Grade: 3/5

12. SAN MARINO Piqued Jacks / Like An Animal

Last year they gave us an Italian star, this time they settled for a local Italian rock band that has received a lot of beating from the certain demographic of fans who seem to enjoy giving things a beating a way lot more than actually liking anything. There is a trashy charm to this but it never really goes anywhere and unfortunately ends up in an unnecessarily shouty finish.

Grade: 2/5

13. AUSTRIA Teya & Salena / Who The Hell Is Edgar?

The winner of the second semi in a number of ways. What could have been "only" a bit of comic relief suddenly finds itself standing out in many ways as a - yes, funny - uptempo stomper that is also clever and catchy. If they can only build a stage show to match the energy of the track, this is bound to do very well. Especially as almost all of the major favourites have been drawn to sing in the first semi.

Grade: 4/5

14. ALBANIA Albina & Familija Kelmendi / Duje

Could you do the ESC without having a dramatic family stand on stage, giving a rousing ode to avoiding divorce at any cost? Yes, you certainly could. While the message feels oddly conservative on a show like this, the song in itself is quite okay. "Scenes From A Marriage" if Bergman had been a pop composer from Tirana instead. Hardly a points magnet but enjoyable in its own way.

Grade: 2/5

15. LITHUANIA Monika Linkytė / Stay

This is that one song that could seem a bit basic and plain when you just hear the studio version but live Monika and her backing vocalists turn this into a living, breathing thing that keeps growing and pulling you in. Not a potential winner or anything but could certainly end up doing a lot better than people expect it to.

Grade: 3/5

16. AUSTRALIA Voyager / Promise

My first impression was that they had crammed too many things into one song and wanted to much, in a Saara Aalto meets Montaigne sort of way, but then I warmed to the whole thing. Engaging and entertaining. Should qualify with ease even though it will find itself wrestling with Germany for the rock vote in the final.

Grade: 3/5

So, if I was the only juror who could pick ten finalists all by myself based only on the studio versions and preview presentations, my choices would be (in order of appearance): Denmark, Armenia, Estonia, Belgium, Greece, Slovenia, Georgia, Austria, Lithuania and Australia. 

My preferences can still change before the live shows - as history has shown - but what ten songs would you pick and what six would you leave in the semi?

Tobson speaks up: ESC 2023, semi 1

 

It's almost upon us, the 67th edition of the Eurovision Song Contest. This year hosted jointly by last year's winner and last year's runner-up: Ukraine gets to add flavour while the UK takes care of the actual hosting.

The contest has shrunk a bit and the number of entries is the lowest since Copenhagen 2014, but the countries that did show up have given us a pretty diverse and updated lineup.

Soon the rehearsals will start in Liverpool and distort our first impressions with footage and clips and soundbites of varying quality, so before that: here are my reviews of the songs as they are in their preview versions as well as the ten songs I would pick for the final if I got it my way.

01. NORWAY Alessandra / Queen of the Kings
This is a pretty great opener but also an odd choice by the producer. This is clearly one of the favourites and it is unusual to throw one of those out there already at the start of the show. For me, this is a catchy little number that easily gets stuck in your head but it is more of a cool beat than a really good song. Something about it makes me think of "Boten Anna" but maybe that's just me. Solid but maybe not the winner candidate many consider it to be.
Grade: 3/5

02. MALTA The Busker / Dance (Our Own Party)
Malta ditched the international songwriters and went for a local tune at long last. Clearly the right decision and in my opinion this is Malta's best entry in a very long time. Best since Claudette Pace? It has a cool groove and a joyful relative of the Epic Sax Guy. The only warning sign here is the disastrously low energy shown by the lead singer in the national final. Get that sorted and this could be a pleasant surprise.
Grade: 3/5

03. SERBIA Luke Black / Samo mi se spava

The first semi opens in style with several really strong entries and Serbia stays on the same track as last year: avantgarde and pushing limits of what a eurosong could sound and look like. Luke himself is very easy to like and the song is oddly captivating and hypnotic. The warning sign here is the slightly dark, messy and unfocused national final performance. Luke Black coming after Konstrakta is very similar to Justs coming after Aminata: not less enjoyable but less likely to score heavily.

Grade: 3/5

04. LATVIA Sudden Lights / Aijā

Latvia hasn't been in the final since 2016 but here we we find ourselves with the Latvia entry being a real dark horse: intense, claustrophobic, almost intrusive and with a clever climax as the soft-rocker turns into a lullaby by the end. Would need more camera contact in Liverpool and is far from a sure fire finalist, but it's very much a personal favourite of mine and I'd love for it to make it through.

Grade: 4/5

05. PORTUGAL Mimicat / Ai coração

This semi final is not slowing down and this is another firm favourite of mine: explosive, sexy and funny with a very vibrant performer being in complete control of her own show. Doesn't look or sound like anyone else in this semi and I'm here for every last drop of it. Exquisite.

Grade: 4/5

06. IRELAND Wild Youth / We Are One

Wild? Pedestrian, rather. After five really strong entries in a row I suppose we should all be very thankful to Ireland giving us a moment to breathe and refill our snacks and drinks. But seriously, when will the Irish get their act together again? Is this really the best they can come up with? Not bad as in terrible but bad as in genuinely disinteresting from the first note to the last.

Grade: 1/5

07. CROATIA Let 3 / Mama ŠČ!

Perhaps Ireland isn't terrible but Croatia has every intention to be and are really rolling out their heavy guns. This punk rocker about dictators buying tractors for each other is about as subtle as a horde of elephants in a glass shop. If it is good or not is beside the point: the Croatians are here to get noticed and remembered. Mission accomplished.

Grade: 3/5

08. SWITZERLAND Remo Forrer / Watergun

My first impression of this: nice young man with a nice ballad. Repeated listenings unfortunately made the song grow off me surprisingly quickly, not least thanks to the meek lyrics. My best advice to all songwriters: if you want to write a song about where when there is a war going on really nearby, maybe you should articulate an opinion stronger than "war is kinda bad I suppose". 

Grade: 1/5

09. ISRAEL Noa Kirel / Unicorn

Not so much a song, more like various bits and pieces thrown together in order to make space for a nice stage performance. Mind you, I like a few of the individual bits and bobs but it doesn't fully gel for me. In the end, I prefer solid songs to slick performances (if I can't have both). Chanel has a lot to answer for.

Grade: 2/5

10. MOLDOVA Pasha Parfeni / Soarele și luna

Pasha is back with a piece of folklore in Romanian, complete with the flute of last year's winner. Easy to enjoy for the moment with a few effective hooks but then it begins to wear thing surprisingly fast. Would have need something by the end to elevate it a bit further.

Grade: 3/5

11. SWEDEN Loreen / Tattoo 

It has been a risky business for winners to return to the ESC in the last two decades or so but Loreen is hardly taking any chances. This is beautifully crafted to remind the viewer of "Euphoria" without running the risk of feeling like a copycat. Highly engaging but would benefit from a slightly stripped down performance, allowing Loreen to focus a bit more on her actual singing, but that is a mere detail as this is one of the obvious potential winners this year.

Grade: 5/5

12. AZERBAIJAN TuralTuranX / Tell Me More

For the first time since their debut in 2008, Azerbaijan enters a fully local product instead of buying something from abroad. About time, so I really wish I could like this more. On the plus side, it's a breezy and careful little number with the clearest Beatles-vibe of all songs on their way to Liverpool but unfortunately nothing much happens for three minutes. Every time the song almost goes somewhere it instantly loses its way again. I also have to deduct points for that really annoying "quack quack" sound in the arrangement. Sorry, lads.

Grade: 1/5

13. CZECHIA Vesna / My Sister's Crown

The third entry of the night with clear political undertones (the fourth if you count Latvia) is an engaging song that sounds excellent in its studio cut but less convincing in its national final form. If they can improve the overall impression, this could be one of the better Czech showings to date.

Grade: 3/5

14. NETHERLANDS Mia Nicolai & Dion Cooper / Burning Daylight

The real thriller of the first semi will be this moment when a well-crafted but demanding song will meet a couple of not so fine-tuned vocal chords to perform it. The selection of Mia and Dion has created quite a stir back home but all that matters is what it sounds like on the night. Heaven help the Dutch because this song would always need luck to break through in a competition that is televote only.

Grade: 3/5

15. FINLAND Käärijä / Cha Cha Cha

"Finland being one of the top contenders of winning the ESC with a song in Finnish" was not on my bingo card when the season begun but here we are. Finland's pop scene is full of brilliantly creative madcaps and finally that is fully on display also in this contest. A wild blend of rock and techno that descends into a solid schlager chorus, complete with a mesmerising performance you just can't look away from. Hard Bop Hallelujah.

Grade: 5/5

Completely disregarding who sang badly in their national finals or in various fan events, the ten songs I would personally pick for the final out of this bunch are (in order of appearence): Norway, Malta, Serbia, Latvia, Portugal, Moldova, Sweden, Czechia, Netherlands and Finland. These are all songs I genuinely enjoy listening to but I would not mind if Croatia made the cut either.

This is, however, my personal taste and not a prediction. What ten songs would you select?